Life Dream Get!

I'm gonna make this short and sweet, I'm a bit hysterical, my friend Bobby and I made a Chiptune song that won a boss music contest hosted by the "A.N.N.E." Kickstarter! We are beyond excited right now just to have our music heard by so many people, that's all that truly matters in the end, but we are even more stoked to have won 1st place! That stuff never happens to me, directly, at least. Check out the medley below, check out the other artists (serious props to KaMiZoTo's track, my personal favorite), and back A.N.N.E. on Kickstarter (vote 'YES' on Steam Greenlight too!)! I'll post more as events unfold, probably renovate my blog like I've been planning to (sorry for the bipolar, heavily loaded, unprofessional mess, visitors from A.N.N.E., this blog is a lot of things and stuff) yadda yadda here's the video:

To the Future!

Despite (or in light) of my attempts to avoid scheming about plans concerning finances and where my work is going and all that, a lot has been falling into place as of recent, things completely out of my direct control.

Here come the instances:

My initial hopefulness was inspired by some friends really connecting with me in the last couple days, my friends Bobby and Elijah. Both people I've considered to be my best friends, both who've had some serious run-ins with "do-what-I-want" syndrome. I've been able to support them in making life changes, which has helped me help myself in ways as well.

Basically, in this I've found a potential roommate/friend-I'll-have-around-enough-to-consider-a-brother in Elijah, and a Chiptune partner in Bobby. 

Big-E news is still in the works, but I've been hard at work with Bobby working on my 3rd full-length Chip song, which is turning out to be better than I ever could have imagined it. It went from showing Bobby how LSDJ works to spending about 20 hours of our week hammering out this song. We're trying to win this backer-exclusive music competition for a video game project titled "A.N.N.E." on Kickstarter, and we're going all out for boss fight music, incorporating sound design for an imaginary boss fight, three forms long, complete with transitions and all that. I'll be posting it tomorrow or the next day, we'll be finished later tonight or tomorrow.

On top of all that, summer is coming up, so my game design boys will be out of school schedules, with plenty more time to devote to making our game a reality. I'm really hoping to start a website or blog dedicated to progress on the game once we get into the thick of development and we can start portraying an actual game.

There's only one counter to all the awesome happening and that would be

my love taking a month & a half vacation to the Middle East. I haven't been apart from her longer than a week since we started dating almost two years ago, I feel like life is going to be much harder and lonelier without her. Heck, the week she was gone I nearly lost my mind. I might get more stuff done, but I question how inspired or happy I'll be when she's gone. She is joyous motivation.

Focus Center Focus

I can remember starting the tentatively titled "Musica" project as a part-time endeavor as early back as October of last year. While the idea turned up over a year-and-a-half ago, it was October that I felt dedicated to the idea of becoming a video game designer.
Since the initial birth of the idea, which was a plain combination of Proteus and inbflat.net, it has evolved from a abstract audio/visual sequencer to a casual interactive environment to a full-blown adventure game... and now to something being continually refined day after day.

I watched Indie Game: The Movie and was deeply inspired at my capabilities to design something really meaningful and enjoyable, with hopes of a lot of people playing it.
Finishing my 1st year up in community college got me yearning for greater things. School wasn't enabling me to be a better designer, writer, or musician, and those are simply the things I am passionate about doing. My parents, even to this day, have been claiming support, but still, as they should, show deep concern for my future in financial security.
I just can't help but disagree with them when it comes to traditional education when I seek a life that is entirely unorthodox.

Thus far, the financially concerned mindset has proved to be a deceitful and destructive perspective to my art and myself. I became overtly concerned with "how do I maximize my audience and convince them to give me money, but not too much money because I don't want to do this for money, but I need money and if I have to get it all by working at Hastings I'll never be happy with my life".

Then I start getting fake notifications on my music pages that look like that, and I am further disgusted with the business aspects I keep trying to tie into my art.
It's ploys such as this that brainwash me into thinking that my marketing is more important that my art, and further that if I don't take action it'll fade into obscurity.



All this anxiety and confusion coming from a guy who just decided it would be a good idea to live by "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness (referring to GOD), and all these things will be given to you as well (referring to IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE)."

I think the first step is to reply to the inquisitors of my future with this particular quote (from JESUS).
We'll see how it goes from there.

In the past month a phenomena has occurred where I write out a big long post, then draft it indefinitely or delete it. Dang writing prowess ruined by my deteriorating attention span.

And I kid you not, right before I was about to type "attention span" I spaced out and forgot what I was going to say. It's getting pree bad, yo.

How Can We Ever Agree?

Muffled by the ambiguity from which I speak
Whilst cut so deep by the harshness of truth you keep

Playing a good game is rewarding simply because the engagement is fun and overcoming obstacles is relatively achievable and foreseeable.
It's what we want our lives to be always.

The Lord is willing to provide.
He has the authority to change circumstances.
The understanding is His in terms of when the harvest is ripe.

I will wait on you.

To Speak of Power and Not of Pride?

There are few times in life where I feel I have any sort of power or control over myself or the situations that surround me.
Ironically enough, when I submit my will to direct any control and power I have to God, I suddenly have more power over myself than ever before.

Historically, it has been the patience to endure.
Today, it is the strength to overcome.
Tomorrow, I hope it is to become an unending continuity and eventually channel the same hope and ability to others.

Pleasure vs. Purpose

I had a talk with an old friend last night about priorities in life, mainly correlating with how they relate to video games, but of course when you cover the topic of "life" you're in for just about any (subjectively) relevant you can think of.
Video games are pretty great: the youngest artistic medium and one of the most popular and engaging forms of expression that exist.
They're pretty versatile with that "engagement" factor too. Just as a shovel is great for digging a garden with the intent of growing life, there have been numerous accounts of destructive, violent, opposite purposes applied to the instrument.

To continue the illustration, you have a game like Batman: Arkham City, putting the player into a firsthand telling of a phenomenal story and being the flipping Batman, all whilst conveying deeply important moral questions, such as the limits and existence of justice a boatload of other themes prevalent throughout life and history.

Then you have what I call "games as sport" (think DOTA, League of Legends, or any FPS multiplayer), which have their benefits, I must say, for like any sport these games require communication and strategy with teammates, commitment, determination, and sportsmanship to truly master, and some great relationships can come out these types of games, (given that they're not entirely "lone wolf" competitions, but even then there are leagues and clans to train up on these sorts of things and get involved in. Maybe it's still a bit too nerdcore for a lot of people to imagine, but I say give it ten years and it'll be much more common).

But in my firsthand accounts within both my circle of friends and my encounters with these communities, I have to concede that "games as sport" have a tendency to hurt more than help when you consider the value of life-experience and relevance on a philosophical or metaphysical level.
The reasoning behind this is that the main goals of playing a "game sport" or even MMOs (incredibly similar in purposes here) naturally encourage you to simply progress, be it in a ranking, a character's level, generic/grindy side-quests... and this progression, be it a need of skill, time, or both (personal affliction: League of Legends, hehe), serves the player only within the world of the game.

So then it comes back to priorities.
What is your time worth to you?
What do you care about: virtual character and skill development, or real-world?
It's obvious which side I stand on, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this.
I fully support the potential in real-world benefit "game as sport", MMOs, and 20+ hour co-op RPGs can provide, they've opened doors to personal and social development I could not have otherwise achieved.
But truly, analyze the worthiness of your time.

For me, it goes like this in choices:
1.) Read Knightfall for its intense moral themes/it's the freakin' Batman and he inspires me to be a better person.
2.) Write and reflect on my moral predicaments I am currently experiencing in hopes that I might learn or teach someone something.

1.) Play League of Legends for 4ish hours, mostly talking about in-game happenings with my bud Jay, walking away with pretty awesome or horrible experiences to laugh and reminisce about later.
2.) Talk game design and life stuff, walking away really fulfilled and accomplished with my bud Jay.

Took a lot for me not to post the super-biased black-and-white choices, but that's about how things end up going on average. It does take a lot of effort for me not to get soaked up into the fun of the game, but instead to take whatever I can from that fun and appreciate it beyond merely that engagement.

Life is so much more capable than a series of fun times in-between inconveniences.

Well-Intentioned Obsession

All the books I've bought
I still have not read
So many words unsaid

Yet I am wrapped up in intentions
Appeased with questions;
Happy to ask answer-less

Let purpose and desperation meet,
So that I might finally be free.