I saw a fog today that doesn't even compare to this one. And no one was there to see it except for me. Absolutely beautiful.


Succumb to Apathy?

"Satan is taking 2011 off because humans are doing well enough without him."

Or somethin similar to that.

I'm such a failure.
I lean on forgiveness.
And ignore the casualties of spiritual warfare on my account.

I don't deserve this.

So long I had a passion and drive, and God fulfilled all of my emptiness.
Then I looked for new things to fill it and pushed Him aside.

Now I'm consumed with an addiction to sexual action and thoughts, regardless of the fact that I'm still a virgin.

"I am the sheep that got lost and there is no turning back. I’m as mad as hell. There’s no place to run. I’m without the One who made me though I’m not sure I was ever with Him. There’s no place to run. I’m without the One who made me though I’m not sure I was ever with Him. Oh God, oh my God. Oh God, where are You now. Oh my God, where are You now. Oh God, oh my God. Here’s where I stand. Removed and cursed. Where is Your holy communion now. There is no turning back. I won’t be back. There is no turning back. I won’t be back."

Why do I feel like I relate to this?


If you can heal...

I have the ears to hear.

I'm too jaded to care most of the time.
I'm too scared to run from it all.
I've truly let my apathetic outlook and attitude get the best of me.

I'm not the innocent, spirit-driven kid I used to be.
I'm not the faithful, persistent, focused man I need to be.

Look at what I've become...
I look in the mirror and, unlike most people, I recognize the face.
Worn and lost.
I just ask that face, "What have we done? We are we becoming?"

I'm watching all my friends fall.
I can't stand it.
But they won't let me in.
And when they do, I had already given up.
Because I feel as though I don't make a difference.
That I'm powerless.

Christ, I do not understand you.
Our hearts repulse you at every chance.
All we do is reject you.
How do you have hope?
How are you not so hurt that you give up?

You're truly a God of love.
I love you so much, I can't even understand it.
Even though I'm so weak, you make me strong.
You give me the ability to love despite my shortfallings.

I wanna say I won't let you down again.
But sadly, I don't have that faith in myself.
I'm just not going to lie to you.
I don't WANT to let you down again.
I want my heart to want you, and nothing else.

Carve this on my heart.


Corroded (in progress)

I'm covered in filth again
Poisoned by the ways of man
Guilt-ridden confession
Where do I begin?

I know my transgressions
And I'm the cause for the lack of their end
I bring dissent on myself
I cause my soul and body to fight
Give me some self-control
I can't seem to find it in myself any more
Bring me the blood and bread
Let me eat and find a place to rest


By the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of Our Testimony...

God has really been shining on me and helping me figure out how to live again.
I put all my problems out of my control for the longest time.
Sometimes I used unsolvable problems as an excuse to be hopeless, when the reality is the problems I substituted can't happen, so no wonder I assumed my life was indefinitely bleak.

I assumed I could never have any self-control within myself to overcome my lustful tendencies.
Truth is, I actually make those choices of staring and fantasizing and acting on those ambitions...
I CAN actually not do those things, I can even physically!
It's all a matter of my willingness to actually follow through and abstain.
As a result of this realization, God's victory over my lust is becoming clearer and clearer every day.
We will overcome.

My loneliness, a popular issue in my life, is a bit unrealistic, now that I look at it from outside the fog of idolatry.
I was so convinced that being in love or having a girlfriend or even a one night stand or something would take away the emptiness I felt.
The pain was very real, there is no question.
However, I feel I fed this problem much more than I should have,
a bit like watering weeds along with the rest of a garden.
I placed more faith in "love" or another person more than I did in my God, who is always faithful, and ALWAYS loving.
It kinda comes back to the lust ordeal, I was just looking for satisfaction. Now.
With my focuses changed and my blessings realized,
We will overcome.

What have you overcome? What WILL you overcome?


Now that's What I Call Family

The Family open-house was an absolute success. Sure, the evening had its dull spots, in rough edges, contemplation of its very purpose... But like a real, imperfect family, we pulled through any bit of uncertainty and dashed away any slight insecurity. I am proud to call these friends a part of my family, I can only hope we stay this close; never to drift away or be torn apart. Christ brought us together, and I'm sticking with these people until He puts us on our separate paths.