Every time God cries, I see it in the weather.


Faith Invested is Life Riskéd.

Teeming with multiple personalities,
I feel the Legion swell within me.
I fight against
Layers of self-defense.

Long gone, the search to fleet just a virus.
With eyes, undecided, how can they locate a difference?

There is not a soul to which I can speak;
Consistency is gained when my company leaves.
Then my dissented inner-community
Will riot, all parties proclaiming, "I am king!"

What unnecessary democracy!
What your heart should seek
Is just as obvious as my rhyme-scheme.

Yet these excuses, these exceptions:
That with the intent of something better;
To teach a falling bird to fly
In hopes it will carry the weight of your treachery.

Deceitful, to claim your careful style reflects reality.


A married couple of musicians I had the privilege of meeting in the Summer of June 2011, Destroy Nate Allen is a folk-punk duo with a unique passion for creative, energetic, simplistic music, with song topics ranging as far as theological concepts to how awful black coffee tastes.

I saw them in my town at a rather quaint house show, where they gladly accepted help with setting up their merch, paying for merch a day later via email, bear hugs, singing in the face, song requests, sweating, and crowd participation of the most wacky kind. They bring out your inner-punk rock kid you never thought you had in you (or knew already and they're just the best babysitters)!

The video explains their current needs for their new endeavor, but for those like me who skip over videos that aren't less than 2 minutes in length, I'll cut to the chase:

DNA is in need of $4,000 for their next musical milestone of creating their first studio-quality album.
They've self-funded and produced 6 full-lengths already. (All of which are available for FREE digital download at their bandcamp).
They've played over 700 shows.
All since 2006.

They've made a Kickstarter project to help their effort out, with a full list of benefits for those who chose to contribute. Check that out here.

I am planning to contribute by tomorrow once I get the only $50 I have into the account, I'm all about Blaster the Rocket Man and that $25 package looks to be the best for someone who's on a tight budget but really supports the endeavor.

In case you just read that, yes, the legendary BTRM is doing a 7" split with DNA!
First official Blaster release in quite a while!!!

There's my appeal, at least leave 'em a note of encouragement, they're super swell and would appreciate any type of support.

Support heartfelt music.


UPDATE: They made it! If you haven't supported them yet, feel free to, there are still a bunch of things to pay for that the $4000 does not cover.


You Can't Let an Ending Ruin the Entirety

Merry Christmas.

Read the Screwtape Letters, it puts life into perspective and allows God to speak to you without you ignoring Him and being a fool.
Or at least that was my experience last night.

How relentless, their Enemy, for me.
What peace, it brings.


Goals and Aspirations

When I was in elementary school, I wanted to work at McDonald's because I thought that the cashier got to keep all the money they put in the register.

In middle school, I was convinced I'd make it in the music industry with a band.

Freshman year I recorded a demo/EP with my first band Dissention, spent $400, made $150, and played about 8 or 9 shows, creating one of the most memorable times of my life. We broke up a year later due to a lack of musical and ideological unity between the members.

I still wanted to be a successful musician by Sophomore year, but also considered computer programming or some theological field as a potential career path.

Junior year kind of bleeds into my current view of my future career plan.
I've become a bit hopeless about my aspirations, and despite my potential to do some really cool things I lack any amount of confidence in myself or my endeavors.

Here's where I stand currently:

  • I've attempted to compromise my dream of being a successful musician by turning it into the rationalized alternative of becoming an audio engineer. This was brought up after several recording stints that went over very well (considering the fact that there's a substantial amount of love for lo-fi in the music world I adore). However, I'm feeling doubtful in the job availability for an audio engineer. There's the idea of opening my own recording studio, but other than that current job searches only show up audio engineers needed in places like California or Colorado or Illinois. I'm scared to move.
  • Pastorship is something I've always felt I'd be interested in, but whether I'd be good at it and if I could handle all the church inter-workings are another thing. I may have only spent a good amount of time at 3 churches, but I have always encountered a bit of aesthetic veil which keeps me at distance from those in the church. I always find camaraderie within the leadership and people in the church, but I can't help but feel the whole "suit-and-tie" political aspects, bland creative incorporations, and how I haven't maintained a true friendship with anyone from a church that went outside the four walls. I feel like there's never really been a group of believers who actually puts an effort forth to accept people who have alternative tastes and lifestyles than the white-collar world. It's like most churches preach to the choir when they should be selling their suits and their nativity scenes and housing the homeless at night. I was invested in the internship at my church this summer, but now I'm indifferent. Aside from that, I've been considering some type of field that deals with apologetics or debate, but I hate to actually argue and I would never make it through science and history classes.
  • Computer programming is something I'm good at, but find terribly tedious and boring. I took a semester of video game programming using one of the most simple programming languages there is, Blitz Basic, and despite my ease in working on the lessons out of the book, I just couldn't get into it. Sadly though, the world is demanding more and more of these jobs and it appears this may be one of my only real options in the future.
  • Teaching has come into mind recently, and honestly if teachers aren't phased out by computers in the future, I think this would be one to consider. All teaching really comes down to is being really personable and academically skilled, and if there's one thing I'm good at, it's school.
  • Journalism, writing articles, reviews, the like, is something I think would be fun, given that I could work with something that's outside of a boring subject. I mean, if I can put up over 300 blog posts, I can write a lot, I have the patience for it. Plus I've gotten A's in both my college English classes, the first one I had the teacher use one of my papers as an example for future classes because of my skills in using analogies.

A bazillion words later, when I get asked about my future I am filled with indifference and dread.
I would kill to live off of music-related work, but it's a tough industry to get into.
But I'd be kidding myself to think it's a viable option.

Excuse my pessimism, I'm just tired of being ignored and rejected by so many places that I apply to for a job.
The idea of financial sustenance is a reality I've dreaded since I haven't been able to pay for my car insurance.

I'm not Blind

‎"If no set of moral ideas were truer or better than any other, there would be no sense in preferring civilized morality to savage morality, or Christian morality to Nazi morality."

"If your moral ideas can be truer, and those of the Nazis less true, there must be something-some Real Morality-for them to be true about. The reason why your idea of New York can be truer or less true than mine is that New York is a real place, existing quite apart from what either of us thinks."

-C.S. Lewis

Almost everyday I go through a point where my beliefs are subject to criticism (mostly via indirect Facebook posts).
Recently, I've been reading a bunch of comments that read like "Morality isn't defined by anything other than common sense."
But statements like that always get me responding with, "Well, give me the empirical definition of common sense."

Wikipedia gives it to ya like this:

Common sense is defined by Merriam-Webster as, "sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts."[1] Thus, "common sense" (in this view) equates to the knowledge and experience which most people already have, or which the person using the term believes that they do or should have. The Cambridge Dictionary defines it as, "the basic level of practical knowledge and judgment that we all need to help us live in a reasonable and safe way".[2]

So my question is this: if morality is based off of common sense, and common sense is derived from knowledge and experience which most people already have, what is the foundation of morality, given that it is based off of general knowledge and experience of a majority of humanity?

It seems that one of the only things all of humanity has ever historically come into agreement with on a greater majority scale is that they all want to live.
And then you throw in the "outliers" (if you wish to be politically correct and call them so) of suicidal cases for the sake of self, religion, or people that live for the sake of their afterlife, and bam!, all the sudden you have people that have arguable reasons for living a lifestyle that doesn't invest itself in merely survival.

So the next logical inquiry to come to is whether those lifestyles are justified by any means; if they are backed by any amount of evidence or objective reasoning.

Simply put: is there any real standard of morality?
Is it provable that genocide of the genetically inferior is wrong when you can treat them as normal people?
Can you actually hold the Nazi's accountable for being wrong if Right and Wrong are completely relative?
If morality is subjective, you couldn't criticize massacre for being wrong any more than you could criticize someone for liking the color red and not blue.

So instead of people spouting ignorance of "Religion defies what is Right", they should try and investigate what "Right" is and whether the religions they criticize have any evidence to support their claims to "true morality".

With a vastly incomplete fossil record and an impossible existence of the universe and life itself, I cannot believe with any amount of confidence that all the universe and its contents are an accident.


5,000 Pageviews!

Update! Video added, show of the year: Listener & The Chariot in Spokane, WA

Listener & The Chariot from Brenna Dunn on Vimeo.

Choice soundtracks for this feature-length post!

(Open in a new link and play parts 1 and 2) 

I've been on this Blogger account since February 28th, 2010.
I've actually been blogging off and on since the Myspace days (ugh).

However, 5,000 is a number just like any other, it doesn't mean much in any grand scheme of anything, be it my life or the internet popularity scale.
But I don't care, truthfully.
5,000 times my thoughts have garnered someone's attention, be it out of the conviction of pity or accident, or even genuine interest.

My account shows 12 followers, only two of which I am aware are active, and there's only one other person I know that will check my blog regularly that does not have an account.
So to have 5,000 pageviews, it seems kinda crazy to me.

From time to time I reflect on the overall content of this blog, and it brings up forgotten moments like fresh memories.

Summer camps, lost love, musical craze, intellectual wealth, spiritual journey, pointless ranting,
My life.

Jesus has carried me through it all.

Here's to the future.

Oh, and I thought that since this blog is nearly void of fun illustrations, I thought it only appropriate to post a plethora of photographs I find entertaining or neat or significant or relevant to some degree. It reflects on a lot of things I like, a lot of experiences, a lot of people, the past year or so. I spent a couple hours or so doing this, and it was great. Not a lot of pictures in retrospect, but I guess that's what you get for stealing all the pictures off of Facebook and Google Image search.

But I digress, here's a little visual presentation of my life over the past year up till now, in no particular order.


This one goes out to all the dudes and dudettes on the forums who've
been like family to me, closer than some of my real friends.



Winter Break 2010



Drew & Bobby post-band

Last Jazz Band Performance, Spring Swing





Mariah, Mick, and Charlie (Cousin & Sisters)

Mt. Hood

"The Ape Cave"

Mom & Mick

Clarke/Braddy/Baer Annual Pumpkin Patch Trip 2011

Sara, Brenna, and I en route to Kalispell-on-You

Dinner at the Waltman's

Elizabeth (Lizzie, my sistah from anothah mistah)

Small Group Christmas 2011

NLY Summer Camp 2011



Dan Smith (Live opening for The Chariot)

Dan Smith, Various The Chariot members, & friends

Kateri, Ameerah, & I at Denny's

Josh at Dangerous Dog

The only documented evidence of Middle Earth

The C0wards


My Academic Letter

Kateri & Lizzie's Christmas Party 2011

Ameerah, my beautiful lady-friend.

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog, is currently reading this post, and will check back around here in the future.
Not even my own family keeps up with this so it means a lot to me that there are people in the world who'd bother about a guy like me.
If I ever had some last wish or dying words, they'd be that a life worth living is only through love and truth.
And that the only true source of love is Jesus.
Not church.
Not pastors.
Not your significant other.
Not your parents.
Not yourself.
Everything will fade away to dust, 
But you have a soul, designed to be eternal and in unity with Christ.
All you have to do is accept the most wondrous gift of all time.
We don't deserve a thing.
Humanity is scum.
But we're called to be reborn as children of God, 
Our old meaningless, pitiful existences to be left with the rest of this decaying world.
I never believed in God out of wishful thinking.
Nor out of being raised around Christianity (or so it's called).
I wanted truth and purpose for life.
I searched.
Everything else was a waste of time in it's deceitful ways,
Be it in a lack of fulfillment or a wolf in sheep's clothing.
This isn't a subjective decision I made.
I didn't want to be a Christian at first.
Nor did I even want to exist.

But I can tell you one thing now.

I'll never go back.

Educate yourself in the things you believe in, as well as in what you are opposed to. Know what you're living for and what you're fighting against, because blind faith can be your greatest mistake.

Love and truth are all I cared to be remembered for.
Not even I, but Christ in me.