My thought-process has been very simple for the last few days.
Unfortunately, with the simplicity of thought comes the ability to obsess.
Every day I am overwhelmed with ulcer-inducing stress over doing well with my job.
It's not that hard, and even if I were to mess up and be fired, not much would change.
I just hate the pressure of success.
And I miss the open fields of freedom.
I'm never lonely anymore until I talk to a girl that I'm attracted to in anyway.
I think my tendencies towards girls are compulsory and juvenile in every degree.
"I JUST WANT TO LOVE AND BE LOVED COMPLETELY."
But I'll only find that through Jesus.
I can never make a girl happy enough and no girl could ever meet my high expectations.
There is no girl that could not break my heart, and I will never be right for the ones I'd do anything for.
I'm set apart to be lonely and I must accept this somehow!
I never talk about it anymore either, which is cool, I never liked complaining about it before.
It just eased the pain of unavoidable truth.
Every time I have a chance to talk about Jesus to someone I don't know, I never know what to say.
Hours later, I think of every possible way to have started that conversation.
I am just hoping this music thing will cause me to be more relaxed and not add to my stress.
I truly am okay with the amount of things I have on my plate right now.
They are all just troublesome in totally unique ways.