I've lost the validity of almost all of my friendships.
I hardly know anyone anymore.
The one person I thought I would be closer with than any other friend I ever had is now as far from me as people I see once a year.
And a lot of that is my fault.
And due to the fact that this separation has become so great I fear for the future.
If that bond is gone, who's to say others are not just as easy to lose?
A controversy within my heart and mind is whether to be bitter or ashamed or okay with this.
That person has either changed entirely or has been lying to me this whole time about how she feels or who she is.
At the same time, I have not changed hardly at all as time goes by, and I can't help but resist change I see as wrong.
I'm bound the convictions of my life, and I'm bound to the accountability that's been imposed upon me.
However, accountability is a two-way street, it seems.
And when you are left for dead in the realm of checking up on your accountabilibuddy, you become their enemy, you become against them.
They come to hate you and what you once stood for together.
And in frustration my resent turns to icy bitterness only the warmth of God keeps from freezing over.
Yet she is left frostbitten before I realize my idiocy and repent.
I can only see my friend as someone I sincerely love and care about more than anyone else.
And I can see that she's changed so much and pushed our mutualities away.
And I can see I may have to accept defeat.
And pray it's not the end.
But if it is...
Try not to forget me.