And Destroy Nate Allen is kicking my butt right now.
It really goes to show how NOT dedicated I am at being a musician.
Not at all to diss on the musicianship of this band, I love them to death and I'm sure Nate is a way better musician than I will be for a very long time, but this is FOLK music.
Folk, by nature, is not a very complex genre to pick up on musically, yet these strumming patterns and singing along with the songs is proving to be SO difficult for me.
I've been playing guitar since I was ten or eleven or twelve or something (I don't remember my past well), I had lessons for about 3 years, so you'd THINK that I could do all the arpeggios and complex rhythms a dedicated guitarist can do at 3 years of playing, right?
I guess not.
It doesn't bum me out so much as it frustrates me.
I mean, here I am claiming to dedicate my life to music since before I was in high school and I don't have much anything at all to show for it but juvenile, "cute" punk songs and unfinished instrumentals.
I want to make something I can play in front of people and stand behind years later.
All my friends (claimed they) LOVED Dissention, and now I will probably never play those songs for anyone ever again.
They were a childish part of my past; the songs and the band have things tied to them that I cannot wear as a part of me anymore.
I just couldn't do it anymore.
I've been attempting a compromise by heading towards the path of production and audio engineering, seeing as how I'm way better at composing than performing.
But recording is like making a civilization in a video game: it's really cool and interesting and fun for a while, but it just fades out of significance after a while.
Once you're finished, that's the experience and no one pays attention or asks about it and the end.
I have a passion for the depth of post-rock and ambient music.
I have a passion for the simplicity and sincerity of folk and punk.
I have a passion for the intensity of hardcore and metal.
I am drawn to the intimacy and clarity that comes from the communicator that is music.
I appreciate and receive music for what it is.
It's time to create my own melodic messages.