I've Blogged a Lot Today, a Lot is on My Mind I Guess

It's just one of those days where I've been motivated to live to my fullest.
I just want to consume information and write about what it says and why it matters.
I want to jam and write about my passions.
I want to be uninhibited in thanks and praise to a God who always has a direction and a better way for me to live,
Who's love I just can't find an end or flaw to,
Despite my negative attitude.

Amazing how I find peace even when the trials of life spit fire and singe my skin.

But I know exactly why days like this refuse to recur:
If this were a template of how my life should be,
I would surely be crushed by the jaws of reality.

Demons don't start out underneath your feet.


Oh, Existentialism.

While some people want to write their research papers on ear piercings, I'm debating on bringing up the taboo topic of the relevance of religion and morality in a world of relativism/freethinking and Darwinism.

Drastic difference?
I'll never fit in with society I guess, oh darn it all.
The trees fruit's fire
and every lake is lava
every valley's a volcano
within every mountain's magma

Things I Need to Do.

  • Daily Bible reading.
  • Don't worry; take it one day at a time.
  • Find reliable accountability.
  • Take a Sabbath no matter what.
  • Speak my prayers.
  • Reduce distractions (i.e. Facebook, background music, video games, etc.)
  • Finish what I start (i.e. books, writing, projects, etc.)
  • Love unconditionally. (1st Corinthians 13)

Trust God no matter what; seek Him first.
I hate myself.

Just one example of what not to be.


I am Polarizing Repeatedly.

Lord, sweep me away.
I will not stop with my seemingly shallow, inconsistent pleas for you to surround me.

My need for you is melting every part of me that is not physical; I am molting and melting, growing and dying.

You're all I want, I'm willing to lose everything as long as I have you in the end.
You're my motivation for everything.
The world is trying to pile on all these distractions and false directions and images and and and and and-

I am such scum for hiding behind my "good intentions", but you know my heart and my honesty.

Refresh, resurrect; Holy Spirit, renew life in me.
Lord, you are my only hope.


It's 12:45 AM on what I consider to be a Tuesday night.
I'm just yearning for something to accomplish.
Something to complete.
Something to finish.

Here I have a whole EP that only one person besides myself listens to.
My accomplishment still feels empty.

I just hear these beautiful sounds and I see these passions and instinctively I inquire, "Why not I as well?"

Why am I cursed with the selfish desire to be heard?
Why is every word and every melody I've ever held dear always fall upon deaf ears?
Am I that bland?
Do I not present ideas with logic and relevance in mind?

Underdeveloped and quiet, is this what I am destined?
What's the difference between now and then?

Although it has always proven foolish in the past, I continue to question the entirety of my efforts, direction, and being.

Lord, replace me with you.
I can't bear to live in this skin one more day.


How overwhelming, your presence can be.

I never used to believe in what I believe in when I first believed it.
Eventually I just had to stop denying the miracles that stared me in the face.

Besides, their breath is so much cleaner than the demons who gaze so close.

The strength to overcome my past
The confidence to confront the present
And the faith to embrace the future


Shake the Air

"...I had confidence in all of you, that you would share my joy.
For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you."


Unnoticed Talent

This band only has a 170-somethin' likes on Facebook, but their music is SO good and so far beyond the average folk/folk-punk whatever you call it genre. 

I don't understand how a band like this can have a quality full-length out (for FREE, keep in mind) and have played at places like Cornerstone, and be so unnoticed?

They deserve way better recognition than that guy's son who'll be name Optimus Prime or whatever.

I'm just fed-up with under-appreciation, I guess.
I guess the frustration comes with everyone close to you mocking, ignoring, or rejecting your reason for existence based on sheer ignorance and a need for complacency within their sense of comfortability.


And in a Single Night

I remembered where my real body lies.
I pushed past my creative block for the first time in two weeks.
And I am restless because of it all.

Take it all, just give me Jesus.
No other love.


Fallon Braddy Fotography

I should just start this.
And post 5 random, mediocre pictures.
And watch as the like count on Facebook dwarfs that of my music project likes.

What takes months to get 30 likes,
Takes hours for mediocrity to dwarf it.

Self-Aware Alarm Clocks

Sleeping in gives me more homework, but at the same time I don't have to waste my time learning about what I've been learning for the past 6 years.

I wish I woke up every morning like this.

I've been applying for a job about every other day, which is good, considering the fact that I have $40 to my name and my car is having issues performing its core functionality of driving.

My vehicle, except cleaner.

Seeking out positive influences in my life, trying to change quite a bit in a short amount of time. I'm partially doing this through music.

Post-rock jamz I've been making with some friends from church.

But truly it's better to execute change than to dream and wish and write about its coming.

Life's been pretty crazy lately, actually.
Pretty hard.



The Life and Death of A Plea for Purging:

In case you were wondering, I pre-ordered.
Last bit of financial irresponsibility for a while.

Adventure Time Marathon part 3 (Official):

I'm honestly adding pictures because I'm bored.

The Chariot and Listener, Nov. 29th at the A-Club:

Until then,
life is real.
keep me real.


Despite All Opposition

Despite my skewed speculation,
Against every urge to over-analyze situations in an attempt to protect myself from sudden sadness,
Or the idea that nothing was accomplished.

I had a good day.
That's an area of my life that needed a bit of reinforcement.

And yes, the reason why I'm so complex, the reason why I think to much is because is purely out of fear and looking out for myself.

Disappointment has impressed the most ugly of memories,
And instilled the worst of instincts.

I'm trying my best to lose that.


I could really use a long time to myself.
At least a weekend.


I have never been pushed to such an extent to change so much in such a short amount of time.

God, into your hands I commit my spirit.
Through exhaustion,
Through uncertainty,
Through death.

I cannot allow myself to have such a position to fail again.

Christ, manifest, take all of me.

I need to live by these songs.


After a Night of Local Talent

I've come to the conclusion that the Spokane/Coeur d' Alene music scene is really pitiful.

It's not necessarily the bands, I mean, most of the bands/artists are plain-awful and/or generic but we have a few gems here and there.

But that's all it takes to get things moving, but I see two major issues here that are critical for the potential beauty of a flourishing music scene:

  1. The artists do not promote themselves well enough.
    • We have more than half a dozen venues for small and larger artists alike to play at between Spokane and CDA. So why aren't there more shows? Why don't bands just play normally, no matter how many people they anticipate showing up? We could form this amazing network of musicians who just play weekly, even with each other, always pushing the bounds of creativity and a strive for quality. Too many bands just do things for fun, they don't want to make anything count. 
    • Now, don't get me wrong, I am really opposed to people making music solely for the sake of a career at it, but I don't think that people shouldn't at least try to make something more for themselves than the girl who plays the same covers every week, or the dudes who play to party, or young talent that's too self-conscious to put all that soul-filled music out for everyone to hear. Music is more than just an excuse for something to do. It's a form of art and communication unlike any other; to make it so selfishly is to take its beauty and power for granted.
  2. The fans do not support the artists well enough.
    • Every Monday it's the same thing at Calypso's: see your friends play and smoke outside when they aren't playing. Now, you may be able to attribute the lack of general interest because most of those who play open mic play boring covers, but then why don't you go smoke somewhere else and stop teasing the idea that local music is being supported? In reality, it's being horribly neglected. Nothing is being encouraged or appreciated except deteriorating mediocrity. Your lack of sincerity reflects the state of modern music as a whole, which, for the majority (radio music, dubstep, etc.), is completely shallow, and if you can't figure that much out for yourself just stop reading now. On top of all this, you'll hear the excuse of having a lack of money for shows and such. Local shows are generally $5 to $15. I paid to see The Ongoing Concept tonight in quarters, nickles, and dimes that I found lying around. Weak excuses!

The shallow attitude of those in and around this scene only further confirm the fact that human beings, as a majority, are disgusting. They have all the power in the world to be a self-sustaining community, lifting one another up, but their selfishness diminishes their power to this stupid philosophy of "Random Acts of Kindness", where you take your gaze away from the mirror and realize this world is more than just yourself or anything that is trying to sneak up on you.

All this Occupy insert city here stuff is great and all, but I'm afraid the level of apathy in our culture will limit any amount of revolution that could potentially occur. The only reason I say that is to give an extra perspective on the whole music scene thing, as well as on general humanity. Real, dramatic change will happen when the minority of rebellion becomes the majority in revolution.

This is definitely not a complaint, this is a call to change one of the few things you have any amount of control over.

I am Sick of Superstition

And I'm sick of being generalized as superstitious or religious.

All I've ever wanted is what is true and right.

I don't take those things lightly.

Ignorance and pride are the most infuriating things in my life.


I Have $20 to My Name

I have a girlfriend that I really like.
I have no job.
I have a lot of homework I neglect.
I have a lot of great music to listen to on Spotify.
I have a lot of fun music ventures I am pursuing: a post-rock project, a folk (-punk?) for-fun thingy, Celtic/Polka/Powerviolence/Hardcore band, recording ventures, etc.
I have many talented friends.
I have a newfound love/appreciation for spoken word poetry
I am rediscovering my love for music once retired.
I have a Bible reading plan I am neglecting.
I have a God I've been forsaking.
I haven't an idea of how to end my self-destructive selfishness.
It goes beyond self-control; my whole attitude is skewed.



Even though it's a total joke, jamming with xBREAKTHESILENCEx tonight was a complete blast for me, just because I got to nonsensically scream and yell and sound like a bullfrog, whilst flailing around and pointing aimlessly.

It was some of the most fun I've ever had being musical (sorta).


I hate incomplete expression.

And I love you.


I would sincerely appreciate a week away from everything and everyone.

I should just appreciate what I have now, I take it all for granted.


Of the universe, 10% of it is conceivable.
Of that ten percent, you only focus on what you care about.

That is how much you know.

After this Week

I'm considering taking some time off of blogging to pursue endeavors that require my active focus.
Probably be off Facebook too.

It's just disheartening and emotionally draining to pour out your heart into creative writing and never see anything come to fruition because of it.

I need to be refreshed, and to continue this relentless expression, wishing with every post the words will magically fit into some song or transfigure into a poem that transcends the text, is just disappointing.

I should focus on what I can do over what I wish I could do.


I Would Sincerely Like to Make this Happen

The only music project I've ever been involved in where we don't sound like a bunch of wannabes.

Post-Rock Jam | Musicians Available

Post-Rock Jam (Part 2) | Upload Music