I have spent over half a year praying for the slightest bit of movement in a life other than my own.
It's been one of those things you pray about that seems so large and fragile of a thing to ask, that God will deny or ignore your request on the premise that it's too large and fragile.
And from what I've come to understand, praying to change a person's heart I've always considered to be outside God's jurisdiction, considering we have free will and all.
It is apparent now that I have been very wrong when it came to limiting God's potential;
I've underestimated His influence and love severely.
Over the course of these months of praying I've been through just about every emotion on the spectrum:
Excited, mad, disappointed, confused, hopeless, hopeful, scared, blah blah blah.
There were times during this year where I praised God more than ever in my entire life, and times where I completely abandoned Him and entered a depravity I had not known before.
But now after seeing the swift hand of God bring about such a dramatic movement into my life in such a short time, I truly question my own ability to understand anything as well as the sincerity of the faith in my heart.
After nearly losing hope in these specific prayers, God's timing prevailed and it astounded me.
I'm thankful that I've been able to recognize His work despite my closed eyes on my heart.
It's like the song "Through Death" by Debtor
The more I question you, the more I fight
The more I find I need you just to breathe.
I think that song sums up my relationship with God pretty perfectly, to be honest.
Here are the lyrics.
I want to express as much thanks as I can to God.
And the best way to do that is not in a song or a blog post or an act of "goodness" or something.
It's to answer his call to love.
And here's what I mean when I ever say the word love, ever:
1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
-1st Corinthians 13
-1st Corinthians 13