Goals and Aspirations

When I was in elementary school, I wanted to work at McDonald's because I thought that the cashier got to keep all the money they put in the register.

In middle school, I was convinced I'd make it in the music industry with a band.

Freshman year I recorded a demo/EP with my first band Dissention, spent $400, made $150, and played about 8 or 9 shows, creating one of the most memorable times of my life. We broke up a year later due to a lack of musical and ideological unity between the members.

I still wanted to be a successful musician by Sophomore year, but also considered computer programming or some theological field as a potential career path.

Junior year kind of bleeds into my current view of my future career plan.
I've become a bit hopeless about my aspirations, and despite my potential to do some really cool things I lack any amount of confidence in myself or my endeavors.

Here's where I stand currently:

  • I've attempted to compromise my dream of being a successful musician by turning it into the rationalized alternative of becoming an audio engineer. This was brought up after several recording stints that went over very well (considering the fact that there's a substantial amount of love for lo-fi in the music world I adore). However, I'm feeling doubtful in the job availability for an audio engineer. There's the idea of opening my own recording studio, but other than that current job searches only show up audio engineers needed in places like California or Colorado or Illinois. I'm scared to move.
  • Pastorship is something I've always felt I'd be interested in, but whether I'd be good at it and if I could handle all the church inter-workings are another thing. I may have only spent a good amount of time at 3 churches, but I have always encountered a bit of aesthetic veil which keeps me at distance from those in the church. I always find camaraderie within the leadership and people in the church, but I can't help but feel the whole "suit-and-tie" political aspects, bland creative incorporations, and how I haven't maintained a true friendship with anyone from a church that went outside the four walls. I feel like there's never really been a group of believers who actually puts an effort forth to accept people who have alternative tastes and lifestyles than the white-collar world. It's like most churches preach to the choir when they should be selling their suits and their nativity scenes and housing the homeless at night. I was invested in the internship at my church this summer, but now I'm indifferent. Aside from that, I've been considering some type of field that deals with apologetics or debate, but I hate to actually argue and I would never make it through science and history classes.
  • Computer programming is something I'm good at, but find terribly tedious and boring. I took a semester of video game programming using one of the most simple programming languages there is, Blitz Basic, and despite my ease in working on the lessons out of the book, I just couldn't get into it. Sadly though, the world is demanding more and more of these jobs and it appears this may be one of my only real options in the future.
  • Teaching has come into mind recently, and honestly if teachers aren't phased out by computers in the future, I think this would be one to consider. All teaching really comes down to is being really personable and academically skilled, and if there's one thing I'm good at, it's school.
  • Journalism, writing articles, reviews, the like, is something I think would be fun, given that I could work with something that's outside of a boring subject. I mean, if I can put up over 300 blog posts, I can write a lot, I have the patience for it. Plus I've gotten A's in both my college English classes, the first one I had the teacher use one of my papers as an example for future classes because of my skills in using analogies.

A bazillion words later, when I get asked about my future I am filled with indifference and dread.
I would kill to live off of music-related work, but it's a tough industry to get into.
But I'd be kidding myself to think it's a viable option.

Excuse my pessimism, I'm just tired of being ignored and rejected by so many places that I apply to for a job.
The idea of financial sustenance is a reality I've dreaded since I haven't been able to pay for my car insurance.


  1. Which of these things were your longest post? Which had the most detail? Which meant the most to you? I say whatever your thoughts or experiences are about church people...do what it is you can do with who God has made you. Forget all the other notions you have had about what it takes to pastor. Pastor as you. To who God gives You!

  2. Man, I keep running that through in my head every day since I read it.
    I think you're right, that's what God calls us to do.
    "Don't go to church, BE the church."

    Thank you for your feedback, it's inspired a lot of prayer and reflection.