1/26/11

It Seems

I am either gifted with a large workload of friends who need my help.
Or I am too involved with trying to consul them all..
I don't know the difference.
All I know is that I have counted 7 people in two days who need my undivided attention and care.
And it's really hard for me when I'm trying to make myself feel like my problems matter at all.
I don't feel like they do.
I truly appreciate the care from those who give it.
I need all the love I can get.
Internal stress is bad.

1/22/11

I miss loving you. I miss you. I feel so weak

1/17/11

Just Watched the Social Network

It really makes me want to do something productive.

Like record some music, put it together on a cd, call it a demo.
Or read a book and take away wisdom from it.
Improve on my prayer life.
Learn to use The Force.

Stuff like that.

1/15/11

In My State of Desperation (Myspace)

In my state of desperation
I lack self-control, my regrets grow in numbers I'm not comfortable with
In my state of desperation

Sounds I seek refuge in are cries for help of their own
In my state of desperation

The only succesful source of accountability is in the fact that I'll return here
In my state of desperation

Truth is ignored, the void thickens, and the slope continues to tilt
In my state of desperation

Blindness becomes more apparent through an open window
In my state of desperation

Efforts find equality with vanities, realization is sought after, but misguided
In my state of desperation

Gnats are strained, camels are swallowed
In my state of desperation

Communication proves to be an art, a curse, a precise and delicate tool, a necessity
In my state of desperation

Misunderstanding is a two way street, it feels as if plots against oneself lurk around every corner
In my state of desperation

Desire proves to be a constant, everchanging factor. A civil war, an internal struggle, a rose
In my state of desperation

I talk myself in circles, I live my life in circles, a polarizing infinity
In my state of desperation

Others are drawn near in hopes that we can break this cycle through our common bond
In my state of desperation

Realization of my transgressions drives me to run from everything  but I'll never escape myself
In my state of desperation

The answers all look me in the eye, in turn my shame and insecurties are revealed
In my state of desperation

My recurring questions never cease, "Which way is home? Are you coming with me? Can I make the distance? Should I run, or continue to crawl?"
In my state of desperation

All the colors run together, confusion has never been greater
In my state of desperation

I hope to gather the strength to stand tall and push forward, I know the method and the motions, action is the next step before things take care of themselves


This will be over soon enough, through a mirror of text, through the knot that we we're bound to, redemption will come, this state of desperation will prove to be something to mature from.

Release (Post from myspace, I don't want their shutting down to delete my thoughts)

Light is so pure
If you glance and look away 
The dark will disorient and overtake 
Don't give the leeway  


Pain is simple 
Suppressants are seldom 
And the ones that you'll find demand their interest 
Please pay them back now or I fear you'll regret 
You'll become a debtor Enslaved to whom you owe 
You can't pay the pied piper It's a sham, he's a liar 
Leave him now, don't come back again 
While you are weak, old strength decays 
Unless you take the weight your bones can still win 
So eager for deception 
Can you resist temptation? 
Do you call this embrace? 
Madness. 
You take in poison 
Aware. 
Only raping yourself. 
Pride in death. 
The world wastes away 
Mirrors will provide An answer to your one word question 
Loathe the truth, never satisfied. 
Pain is justified. 
We are why. 
Change. 
Cease this 
Otherwise we'll cease to exist. 
Does your memory retain? 
Is it intact? 
What you've done, beat your head on bricks 
For the thrill 
For the numbing 
For self-glorifying, self-pleasuring, self-mutilating internal rebellion Independence, you are here by your own hand 
You deny out of pride 
For the sake of greed, fight what is right 
You fight love you can't administer yourself 
Release the inhibitions you've placed. 
Open your shell. 
Amidst this blind rampage has been your forsaken reason 
A gift only able to idle until you open your eyes 
Even then you mistake it for evil and flee It has always persisted, despite how you rebuke and abandon 
The guilt and conviction is the very gift, paid with humility. 
Otherwise your remorse is vain, and selfishness has consumed you 
Denial would be confirmation. 
Or further prove to be a brutal amnesia.

1/9/11

A Difference

Find more artists like Whales With Teeth at Myspace Music

Don't Leave Me Cold (Lyrics)

Deep calls to deep in the roars of your waterfalls
All of your ocean waves have swallowed me whole
But truly I fear the worst, a gasp of air
Cruelly my lungs demand a poisonous fare

Swallow me whole
Don't leave me cold
So cold
So bold

Found my way down into a blackened hole.
Where light shines the most, or so I'm told
Have you put me in a place where darkness hides?
Because it's never been less bright
or in pain, I've closed my eyes.

Lord help me now
You've carved it in my heart to seek you out
Could you dig a little deeper now?
Could you carve the curse of flesh right out?

I wish it were that easy.
Though I've been reborn, the old saying goes
"Old habits die hard."

I put to death, all of me, unto you
Refresh my spirit anew...

I've put all my faith into a safe container
A dry place where not a single flower would ever grow
Introvertedly I pace in the halls of my mind
And now I recognize this place, and in shame, I curse my life

Jesus I'm callin' you out
I need you to please come and save me now
Why is it so hard for me to claim your name?
With all sincerity, my gripping fingers are slipping from the pain


But still I'll hold on to you
And I always will, there's never a day that you've failed me
You caught the fit I threw


I wish the world would know
I wish the world would listen
Frustration is a chance to grow
Try not to be your own foe


I put to death all of me unto you
Refresh my spirit anew

Go Your Own Way (UPDATED)

Find in life what's right for you.
Know what feels right isn't always true
Kill yourself and resurrect the older you.
Abandon what you know and take what you will.
Revert into your ashes, become a sick bird again.
These old wings are tired, take another dive for your adrenaline.

Go your own way where the shadows wait...
Everybody learns differently,
But try...
not to...
forget...
me...

Tears shed in vain.
But the vanities they prove,
times sure do change.
Why do I feel the same?
Do you even remember your own name?
I only wish that the good would die young.
Although it'd add to the weight of the world,
we rest assured knowing you can't be crushed by it.





Go your own way where the shadows wait...
Everybody learns differently,
But try...
not to...
forget...
me...

Calm this anxious mind.
Steady this racing heart of mine.
It took until now to realize nobody's doin fine.
Your immunities didn't serve you 
The bug got right through your system.





These fallow words, are they too lately spoken?


The glimmer in your eyes show you must not be dead!


Reminiscent of that girl is still trapped inside your head!





And she cries...

Free me
Save me
Release me
Can you not see me?

I can see you clear as day
But this is your mirror's play.


MY STOMACH'S TWISTING UP INTO A TIGHTENING KNOT
I'M JUST A CYNIC REMINISCING ON A THOUGHT ALWAYS DREAMT UPON
WHERE
YOU
AND
ME
WERE
SMILING
SIDE BY SIDE
WALKING ON A GOLDEN PATH SWINGING ARMS WITH GOD

1/3/11

GOAL: Get serious about music. Here's a to do list.

1. Research and experiment with synthesizer sounds. Create something sick.
2. Write riffs and words without a filter.
3. Create a weekly agenda of things to practice.
4. Figure out if D.I.Y. Cd's are cheaper than sending em in to a place to be mass produced.
5. Research record labels, distros, and A&R/Management.
6. Promote the crap out of anything that comes out of the efforts I partake in.

1/1/11

New Years is always a time to reflect for this guy...

Just thinking about where I was in life this time last year:

Seemingly found the love of my life.
My best friend experienced a tragedy that set a soul free.
I was closer with God than ever before.

To think I was so well rooted, I thought I had a flawless start to a fresh new year.

This year, I grew my closest to God I had ever been, then the farthest.

My pessimism focuses on the depravity I was stricken with but there was so so so much good that came out of the year.
New Life and Summertime.

This year:

I'm closer with my real friends than ever before.
I've made some new amigos.
I've come to humble myself and my imperfections much more than before, realizing failure is a constant part of me, yet I shall resist it to the best of my extent.
I'm much more spontaneous.
My love life is fickle, more so than ever before.
I'm not where I was spiritually last year.

But I have a feeling I'm where I need to be.

And things will go uphill soon enough.

Followers