4/29/11

I Speak the Truth, and they Don't Hear

Life is all fun and games until you are inconvenienced.
Life is all fun and games until someone takes their own-
And you know them.


The significance of life, the purpose of death and existence altogether.


NEVER stop and wonder
DON'T wait and ponder
REFUSE to trouble your sick, sedated mind.
DENY any questioning to halt your plight of pleasure.

 What's right for you is what's right for you, and likewise for myself
After all, truth is relative, if that makes any sense at all.

If your focus is fun, success, a family, happiness, and hope that there might be a heaven.
Just work on that, DON'T YOU DARE LOOK OUTSIDE OF THAT.

Because if you do, you may find out that there IS a God.
You may become aware that your breath ACTUALLY HAS A PURPOSE.
IT IS A COMPLETE POSSIBILITY THAT YOUR SIGNIFICANCE IS BEYOND making an impact by create enough offspring to survive until the universe collapses upon  itself.

Don't face your fear of unending love.
Just be comfortable.
Because the only thing that matters in your life is convenience and survival and success.
And nothing should change that.

Never question a thing in your life, and never face a fear, because it'd be a DAMN SHAME IF YOUR REALITY HAD SOME CONVICTION IN IT.

4/28/11

Take Care, Take Care, Take Care

I won't attempt to communicate
In any type of verse coherent
What I just experienced over an hour about 15 minutes ago or so
This is just to document
My encounter

Contrast of comfort and cold
The struggle to be comfortable
Drained mind, eyes out of sight
Yet the sounds that arise
Ignite the Feeling Flame

Overtaken
                                        With
Senseless imagery

Abstraction had no plight
But a destination, a journey
Yes, foundation had set
And opened for the making
Then

Then

Then

They hit me, so subtle
Like the pieces of a puzzle
There will not be a time in either mine, nor anyone else's life
That was born quite like that
Though our species is so vast in population
Not a soul the same

Caves in cities stretched to dome in like a claw from beneath
Bewildered and secure
Dragonflies and light whisked me away
Inside the night sky
Fly away
Away
Away

Dances
1-2-3
1-2-3
1-2
Put me to sleep
In sheer solitude I lay from the peace of the company that is not of me, but for me
And I from it
And I formed from it

Such sweet unity,
At last my bitterness was shut away in the cellar-door marked "That Which Will Never Be"

Rejoice, be Free
Rejoice
Oh, resound and Rejoice

Revisiting a place from my slumber
Jungle surrounds
A pond is found
(My bonds are freed)

Free of woes
The thicket and burning thigh did not steal me from the light breeze, soft sun, and bed-grass

Gaze.
Again, & it is night
Again
Again

 I took to her hand
And hers too
Lust & Love were cast aside
We grasped each hand, held tight
Bringer of our warmth
Lover of our breath
Bask in ye and one another

Be free
Be free
Be free

Return, damned reminder
Of how I walk my chest before I sleep
Boiling in woes
Upset and festered
Chewing my limbs, my Light, for the weight to flee
My daydreams, so surreal, they seem
Compared to the shadow which embodies me
Leave me
Leave me
Leave me

Representing that there is darkness with no moonlight
However, that is not the whole
Not the point

Be Free

4/26/11

Advocacy for Legitimacy: Video Games

escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/extra-credits/

4/24/11

I'm Just a Worthless Waste of Space, Nothing Goes Right and It Never Will. The World I've built has Turned to Dust. Despair and Misery are All I can Feel.

http://www.myspace.com/debtorpa/music/albums/deliverance-15366726


Hope for Death




Who am I?
What's the point of this life?


My groans are pouring out like water
From this wretched, weak, & pitiful frame

I know I have no future here.

But I will hold on to you.

When everything I've worked for withers up and collapses
And all my best endeavors are worthless defeats
And all they would've gotten me anyway
Is empty vanity that rots to nothing

Everything I do is washed away by the waves
Building sand castles with the tide coming in
The one true thing that lasts is service to You
I wanna make this count


Give me love, make me whole
Let my time be worth something at all




Restore
My 
Hope.



I tried to tell you everything but my voice is too loud
I tried to hold you close to me but my claws are too sharp
But I tried.
No one to blame but myself


I'm too jaded to care, too scared to run
I've let my apathy get the best of me


I need you now, I need you more than ever before


All my life I've never felt at home
You're the only rest I've ever known


Life can truly begin when you have nothing to lose


I
Have
Nothing
Left
To

Lose




I fear no death and no pain
I have nothing left to lose
I'm not scared of you
I'm not scared of you


I will never trust the hands of man


Never
Trust
Again


I can't see your face
You're dead to me










Look at what I've become
Look at what you've become
Look at what we've become
Look
At
What
This
Has
Made
Me
Become

















































Through Death

Find more artists like Debtor at Myspace Music



All this leads me nowhere.
Can’t live in hatred of my own existence. 
No reason to care is unreasonable and when reason’s dead, I’m left with nothing at all.  
Though this earth feels desolate, though I make my bed in the pit of hell, 
still your presence, it finds me there.  
You’re nearer to me than I am to myself.  
How can I argue back at you?  
Can breath you grant turn and curse your name?  
All my life never felt at home.  
You’re the only rest I’ve ever known. 

Humility descends like snow.  
I feel my spite melt on my lips.  
All my life never felt at home. 
You’re the only rest I’ve ever known. 

Clamp my hand over my mouth.  
I’ve spoken once, I won’t speak again.  
The more I question you, the more I fight, the more I find I need you just to breathe. 
 I feel the warmth of conviction pour back like iron into my bones.  
And I can’t shake the thought that you bore all the weight of my sin.  
You shared my pain.  
Every finger I point points right back at me.
  
Humility descends like snow, and I feel my spite melt on my lips.  
All my life never felt at home.  
You’re the only rest I’ve ever known. 

I know this life is yours forever, but will you be there when emptiness returns?  
Will I stand firm? 
 In the flame of suffering, in the night of doubt, when the steel of hate slides through these ribs...
Will the sting of death be numb?  
Seeing nothing all around, I turn my eyes to heaven.  
Searched this earth for a shred of light.  
I turn my eyes to heaven. 

I’ll follow you through 
Death 
It-
Self.....

4/21/11

Why doesn't loneliness end?
I see girls that hang off of  everyone they know
The look in their eyes says everything

"Please, just look at me and make me feel like I'm worth something!"

4/18/11

I Will Become a Chiptune Artist

Or I'll quit wasting my time with music.

Yeah, you heard me right, I'm quitting if this doesn't work.
I don't care how close-minded it may seem,
all or nothing,


I need this.

All Great People

"Are bloodlined to be lonely."

4/17/11

I Swear I'll Make a Difference

If you take the time, I'll be here.

I'll sing my way into your ears.
My words and sound shall soak your substance.
I'll pierce my thoughts into your brain.
Soon you'll never want to change.
Inscribe these words inside your heart,
Know you'll always be a part.
Shed your breath, release that life,
Inherit whatever you may find.

Please take the time, you have the ears to hear.

Is it Just Me?

Or does it seems like a LOT of accidents and death and chaos have been spouting up lately in our area?

Come to think of it, we're just blind to what chaos goes on in the world

every,
single,
second.

4/16/11

What Am I Doing?

Ever?

I have so many reasons to press on,
Hope that, with patience, my efforts will have impact upon.

Yet,
I have so many reasons to quit,
Save myself the trouble and disappointment.

While it's so easy to say, "Hope is The Way!"
Life has taught me,
Not to be,
Convinced.

4/15/11

30 Days

Not a second has gone by quickly
Foundations have not been scraped
Bitterness replaces loneliness
But I'm keeping my head up, I know I'll change

I'll change
My shadow will differ
The man you see today will be,
Gone

Everything feels right
In Lonely's name
Looks spark
Imagination pains

But my stride struts southward
I am breaking free
In the dark,
You will not bury me
Within in the gaze of your eyes
I see nothing
But a life I knew
Which proved nothing true

Follow through, follow through, follow through
The choice I made must be seen to the end
No backing out

4/14/11

For Aspiring Electronic-based Artists who are a bit Tech-Savvy

I just figured (despite the fact that no one reads my blog except for Lightpost and some trolls here and there) that if any artist were to come across this blog and was curious as to how to start up their grounds to be some type of electronic artist, but with a budget of $0.00, then I will share some tools with you to help out. (note that I'm not entirely sure if ANY of this software works with Mac, but if you have Mac, you probably have Garageband so you wouldn't need any of this, now would you ;) (Pretty sure this all works with Linux, don't crucify me if I'm wrong!)

First and foremost, RECORDING SOFTWARE:
AUDACITY

Best free tool around. User friendly, simple-yet-useful effects to add to your tracks, track editing, export to .WAV, .OGG, and (wait for it...) .MP3 (IMPORTANT! To export your projects as .MP3s you MUST DOWNLOAD the LAME encoder, which you can find at the AUDACITY website).

You can record via an external microphone, typically for live instruments or amps, otherwise, if you record via the wave-out mix you will record anything the computer speakers are playing. This way, you hit RECORD on Audacity, switch over to your music, hit play, wait till the song is over, the hit STOP on Audacity, and boom, there's your track, free to edit and export.

I personally use Audacity for ALL of my recording projects, including Lightpost, Death 0tter, Every Day, and Brenna Dunn's music. (See bottom for more info about my recording projects and how YOU can become a part of them.)


Next, the CREATION SOFTWARE: (note that these programs are not necessarily easy to pick up without going to tutorials or guides, but they ALL have many
LMMS (for electronic or MIDI based music, such as Dubstep, Techno, Drumstep, etc.)

This is a bit complicated... BUT it has an all-encompassing wiki found on the main site and many video tutorials on Youtube. It has a massive and varied library of instruments, instrument plug-ins, audio samples, and instrument effects, as well as some demos you can open and edit freely. It's essentially an imitation of FL studio, only not as ummm, FL studio-y. Artists have uploaded some samples on Youtube if you're curious to hear the magnitude this program is capable of.

Anvil Studio 2011



This is great if you're looking to make music and are familiar with standard musical notation A.K.A. SHEET MUSIC. It also has a piano-roll editor which is a bit more friendly to those who don't know too much music theory. the main sounds it runs off of is your default general MIDI card, but I believe you can plug in your own MIDI instruments and (for a fee) use real-instrument audio samples. The program is very fun to use, you can even transpose some of your favorite sheet music to hear it on different general MIDI instruments! Also has many tutorials, if you'd like I can upload a power point my friend Drew Freeman and I made.

Little Sound DJ (LSDJ) (LEGITIMATE CHIPTUNE! Requires Visual Boy Advance or some money)




This is software made to create your own Chiptune music on the Gameboy, GBC, & GBA. I personally prefer GBC, but then again, I don't actually have the physical cartridge, I've only run LSDJ via the .ROM demo version. IT'S VERY COMPLICATED, it took me about three unfocused hours to get it down, and I'm still learning things, the manual and all the tutorial links are found on the home page. If you have prior knowledge about how sequencers, synthesizers, and wavelengths work then it will help you tremendously. Otherwise, I encourage you to put in the time to learn this, because it sounds sooooooooo great.












So that about sums it up, if you have any other questions toward your independent music ventures let me know and I'll try my best to answer them completely. OTHERWISE, keep reading for a shameless pitch in a project I'd like to get rollin', which (if you're an active, creative, original musician or band) YOU can be a part of.




Amidst recording with my friends Lightpost and Brenna Dunn, I've come to realize how much I love producing and recording with other artists, seeing it all come to life. It's like raising a child within a matter of days.
Well, I wanna expand on it, I GOTTA HAVE MORE BABIES!
I want artists (you??) to submit to me some music, whether it be folk-punk or technical death metal or chiptune or ambience, and help me build somewhat of a record label. One where the artists can join together to play shows together, make splits, collaborate, and maybe even try to make a difference with their music. This is, by no means, a venture with profit being the drive, simply because money in the music industry is pretty much dead unless you are truly blessed with a following.

DO NOT COME TO ME WITH MUSIC IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A "GET-BIG-QUICK" PATH.
I'm sure Fueled by Ramen will be taking your demos.

I just wanna help out with artists who want their music to be heard by somebody, anybody. I wanna give artists the chance to feel like their music means something to them and someone else, to not feel like a wannabe. I want help record your music on somewhat quality equipment, I want to you to feel like you're a part of something greater, not just some person with a dumb hobby.

Music is so much more than a hobby, it has so much more power and potential than that.

Contact me for inquiries, I'll hook you up!


For Aspiring Artists

Have a Reverbnation Bandpage on Facebook, AND A BANDCAMP, and nothing more. Because Bandcamp is the best. And it's free. And the best. But have music you wish to distribute before you get a Bandcamp, otherwise it's pointless.

bandcamp.com

http://bandcamp.com/features

http://blog.bandcamp.com/2009/11/15/physical-digital-together-at-last/

4/12/11

Absolutely Nothing is Justified in my Life.

New Musical Inspiration

I've accidentally rehashed my love for Gameboys & video game music, more specifically CHIPTUNE.

These guys makes amazing music:
http://www.subwaysonicbeat.net/music

http://battlelava.bandcamp.com

I found it on this site:
store.kitsch-bent.com



4/10/11

So Long


I'm shaving off my goatee today. I've had it since last summer and now that I've been employed at Jack in the Box, I've decided no (wimpy) goatee is better than an annoying beard-net.

But of course knowing me, I just HAVE to make everything symbolic or important or whatever, because I believe there is significance and something to learn from most anything.
For this particular one (I have no idea why this is double-spaced, no matter, I'll be the only one reading this), I've decided to dedicate this to the outlandish attitudes and fantasizing I am so prone to (i.e. being in a Christian punk/HXC/Ska/Deathcore/post-rock band that I would love, being apart of an indie band with my friends, playing shows, recording my own music,  spoken word poetry, coding, being in a successful relationship, etc.) is to be done away with.
My reasoning is this: none of these things ever get done. I make an effort, then it either doesn't come together or I simply quit.
I'm done coming up with band names, I'm done writing halves of songs, riffs, random incomplete verses, thinking a girl of my stupidly high standards will ever come around, and most of all think that I'll actually quit my addictions.
Weak. Lack of dedication/will-power. Unorganized. Unrealistic. Call it what you will.
After today I start the first day of the rest of my life. I'm training for two jobs that have absolutely nothing to do with my passions. All they're doing is funding for my responsibilities of insurance, gas, and college. Even if I had a good plan for any of the things I care about, I will no longer have time.
This is the real world. Just gotta pray I have time with Jesus.


4/7/11

R.I.P. Nico McCormick

First and foremost, I did not know him well.
But the fact is, I knew him, he took his own life, and now the consistency of his light-hearted demeanor that the students of Lake City High School took for granted is no more.
Sadly, it seems the impact he made is  MOST recognized upon his death as opposed to his living, and for the most part lives it now lives vicariously through those he was closest with.

We take for granted every single person who brings us the smallest amount of joy, this is fact.
I say this because of the light he always was in my classes was easily overlooked and now that he's gone from this world, I can say I deeply regret never extending our acquaintance past just that. Acquaintanceship.

Now, this is coming from the guy who wishes he could befriend every person he comes into contact with, but regardless, death causes you to realize how important those around you can be, as well as changes your perspective and attitude on everything.

Appreciate everyone you know, and SHOW it. When it comes to suicide, sometimes a single conversation can change the entire direction a person was going in, at least for a day. It makes you wonder, is a day all Nico needed? Was a near death enough for him to find appreciation for life and everything in it? Unfortunately, the ifs and buts and such aren't valid at this point.

Suicide is selfish, but when you reach the point of consideration of suicide, consideration of your selfishness doesn't really occur. That's just the way things work.

If you ever get to that point, let someone know. Don't keep it a secret, don't sheepishly drop the most subtle of hints, because people are stupid and unaware a lot of the time. Confide in someone, even if it's only for one conversation. You are worth so much. Even more than the deep love your peers have for you. Upon your death, a shockwave of sadness and pain will spread, beyond your family, beyond your friends, to people you thought would never care. The hurt is so great.

Nico, you are loved. You are missed. I've prayed for you before while you lived, now I pray that the grace of God has covered you. Rest in Peace. Though I did not know you well, I will never forget you or your death.

4/4/11

Mental Mirror

Mental Mirror
Rotten Reflection
Breaking under psyche dissection

Bane-ish Build
Sullen Sight
Decay ensues by staring's plight

Abdicated Acts
Violated Vows
Salt-less earth yields crop-less growth

Hollowed Heart
Fallen Finesse
All is lost
In this dead-breath chest




Nothing is sacred where grace is forsaken.

4/3/11

For the month.

  1. Practice stand-up bass for like 9 hours
  2. Jazz listening(s)
  3. Lucretia push for mechanics, start first level.
  4. Code through chapter 5
  5. Make Lightpost cds to sell
  6. Edit all of Brenna's songs
  7. Write and record guitar for Brenna's songs.
  8. Write and record percussion for Brenna
  9. Write and record piano for Brenna
  10. Fill out & turn in Silverwood papers
  11. Make time for small group and youth group
  12. Practice w/ The Redheads
  13. Fix the numerous things with my car (In progress)
  14. Figure out dual enrollment situation
  15. Not suck at getting over being single
  16. Pray
  17. Sleep
  18. ACT, SAT testing
  19. Get trucks and wheels
  20. Pre-order the new Explosions album
  21. Ska practice regularly
  22. Not worry
  23. Do chores without being asked
  24. Reckless Pursuit practice
  25. Get cymbals, set up drumset
  26. Practice drums
  27. Get rid of my computer and entertainment center
  28. Make music for other people's games (In Progress)
  29. Keep writing words
  30. Make time for the friends I don't see
  31. Promote the hell out of Lightpost

I see much failure in the future.

Singin'...

God
is bigger than
the air I breathe
The world, we'll leave

And God
is gonna save the day
And all will sing
My Glorious

My Glorious

4/2/11

I can't escape.

Fed up with the Uncertainty of Expression

Sear my eyes with vicarious living
Cool dark nights, contrast with flashing city lights
Deep breaths invite frigid air
Into what will become a sigh
Your clueless romance spawns a hideous influence
The observation incites a hollow longing
This adolescent fantasy is riddled with envy
So Long, Lonesome,
Not to be cast from these lips
But, Oh! How this heart longs to sing
Breathe words into knees
And from their weight, they will be free
By mere utterances the heavy heart will sail
Sail away into cloudy euphoria
Where nothing makes sense
And that's the way I like it
As light and life span wings for ascent
So dives and descends,
Claustrophobic systems
Air-tight logic
Within the hormones and hype of it all
I've lost myself.

"I just want to love and be loved completely."


"HOW DARE I COMPARE THE HIGH I PRESCRIBED TO SUCH BEAUTY?"

4/1/11

April Fool's Day

The one holiday I detest! Tis why you won't see me during it.

Followers