Missing Warmer Seasons

Wellp, things are everchanging in life, my life included, and there are some I've instigated recently.

A lot of people may think I have dropped off the map or decided I am not a good friend or something. Whether I really have changed and/or have hurt my friends, it's entirely your perspective. I may have sunk deeper into misanthropy (as I tend to the later the year gets), I have been legitimately busy with numerous things, it's all a conglomerate of the direction life has taken me.

For now, I can say that the next part of my life I'm pursuing my lifelong dream of game design, not going to school, still working, and the whole band thing as been overtaken by both greater and lesser things.

Music is my favored form of communication, but I've become so jaded after so many shows, several album releases, intense support of many different bands, in their musical, personal, and monetary endeavors, revealing personal insights and opinions on so much music, which deeply reflect my worldview... I pleaded with so many people for change in their lives, hearts, and minds through this music, seeking camaraderie and a growing understanding of everything, through music, and it has been majorly passed by as trivial, unimportant, insignificant. At the same time, I've been incredibly humbled by the minority who looked past themselves and joined in expanding their perspectives with me, searching for meaning and purpose past subjective interpretation of what's around, reveling in what truths are revealed. I'm overjoyed to see such change inspired in those who have cared to go beyond themselves. But even in some of those who once brought me joy I have been even more let down by the facade of their new directions, when in truth they meant only to please when they are seen, but when alone, be consumed with their true selfish nature. I relied on so many and they abandoned, ignored, neglected, and crushed me. I'm not sure how to return to them when all I see are the faces of fakes, pleasers, and teasers; slanderous, traitorous creatures who seek only the self. I am a creature of the self by nature, but I fight my natural state in light of the glory in that which is beyond me. In all else what has been revealed to me is a lack of sincerity and the avoidance of truth.

The hardest thing to overcome, which I truly do not credit enough these days, are those evils which continue to thrive purely based on my own decisions, habits, and perspectives. It's a never-ending need that I shed my skin, and it's a need I fail to tend to.

This next part of my life I continue to press on with new endeavors, with independent education toward game design. I see it as the only plausible passion that will have a chance to sustain my living. The game industry is something I understand inside and out, and I seek nothing more than to reap what I will sow into the community. Cooperation and community are literally built into the foundations of gaming and game design, and I seek to build up others and be built up with them. I would love to turn this into my career, but I'm not making it my focus because it's not the heart of my effort.

God has provided before and he is the only thing in life that has not let me down, no matter the situation, no matter the circumstance. I just seek him in new ways now; being continually pushed to the limits of my being has been the theme of the last year and I have not felt a lack of continuity. But it's what I asked for, and I refuse to leave without being changed and ripped away from myself and finite existence.


You're Just a Rebound Away

I have caught myself in a contradiction.

Adorning my upheld misanthropy, whilst scorning the neglect dealt from society.
I did, at one time, search for jobs that involved the least amount of human interaction possible.
Ironic, that I work in customer service.
Further still, that I have committed myself to a field that is entirely built upon the praise, approval, and natural attraction of humans and their subjective perspectives.

It is because I love and appreciate people that I am miserable.
I am miserable, for they do not enjoy or experience or expect the same amount of potential to be lived out in a life as I enjoy, experience, and expect in my life and in the lives of all those else.

I write these songs and words
I cry over these ideas and realities
I stare into the void
And after a bit it stops staring and forgets all about me

Throw all your money at Wal-mart and let me waste away.

My mind explores, feels, and celebrates through my one-way windows: eyes and ears and whatever causes my insides to sing.

I hope you feel it too.



Kevin Schlereth - Don't Die! Please Stop Dying.


Disclaimer: this is a serious review, but after visiting many review websites and noting how silly some things are, such as numeric rating systems, ambiguous paragraphs of description, I decided to organize my review into different sections to make things a bit easier to read, whilst parodying the typical music review and making fun of my creative process. Everything with an asterisk I did before I wrote the body of the review and kept for the sake of a casual review for me and you.

Top 3 Favorite Songs
"Tornadoes" (an album start that literally made my jaw drop. ideologically thought-provoking to boot.),
"Knox" (complete with rapping and melodious gang vocal outro. the first heart-wrenching hooks on the album.)
"Rent" (an atmosphere changer. pierces the heart and leaves not a second to recover until the silence of the end.)

Self Proclaimed Narcissist on guitar, Kevin clapping on the right

*insert analogy/life/experience paragraph you could probably skip if you just wanted to read about the album, but i was compelled to write it*

My knowledge of Kevin Schlereth (pronounced Sh-LAIR-eth) as a musician came around May of this year; I had booked and played a show with Self Proclaimed Narcissist in April and he had planned to come back around June if I could procure a payout and a place to stay for both he and Kevin, since they were traveling together. While trying to promote it I took a listen to Mr. Schlereth's album, expecting an emotionally intense folk-punk act in a similar manner of SPN but instead found a solemn man and his guitar singing out what's on his heart. My first impression of his recorded music was succeeded by watching him play live after he and Erik drove over 1,000 MILES (not exaggerating)  from, I think somewhere in Colorado, to Spokane, Washington. The live performance sounded more sincere and seemed more interesting to watch than how I felt with Pioneer Hymns (something I think most live bands lack, they should always sound better live or there's little point in seeing them). After the show, Erik (Self Proclaimed Narcissist), Kevin, a few of my friends, and myself went out to Shari's, where we ate and then talked and joked and sang and bonded in 5-seater Saturn Station Wagon, crammed six people and music equipment full, until 4 AM the next day. Since that night I've kept in contact with Kevin on the internet, booked my 2nd house show with him in September, and now have the privilege of blabbing about how awesome his music is.
This time period in my life I was truly understanding the DIY principles of low-key musicianship, and it was all thanks to these touring acts who I adored as I listened to them at home, thinking they'd never talk to some kid from Idaho, then having them become better friends to me than people I've known for 1/4th my life. The staple principle that I found in these people, in Kevin, in Erik, in Nate and Tessa from Destroy Nate Allen (by whom I got in contact with Erik and started these musical escapades), is that they are nothing more than people expressing themselves sincerely and living their lives without any air about besides that they are exactly who they claim to be: people. Like all people, they have amazing ways about expressing their feelings, their worldviews, and the change they want to see in the world, but the difference between them and everyone else is that they see through their aspirations and use them as a medium of expression as opposed to a talent worth parading around the country to people with nothing better to do.

All that information I just explained has been in my processing and understanding up until the moment I typed it all out, and at this point of my perception I want to make it clear that the epitome of Don't Die! Please Stop Dying is the sincerity portrayed. I see every ounce of the Kevin I have come to know, and even more of a man I've not gotten to know. One with a passion to see the world in a state of love-reigning over all, our selfish human hearts in surrender to that love, all seeking it, all striving towards it, refusing to settle for bread in hand, no longer buried by the burdensome things we carry, but to continue knocking until our hearts are no longer immune to what love has done and is doing in our lives. You can see it in the title, you can hear it in the music, and you can feel it in that ambiguous otherness that compels you to perceive what it all means.

Album art by Tyler Hentschel of Insomniac Folklore

*insert album review*
Don't Die! Please Friends Stop Dying is Kevin's second full-length album, the first of which he has made the effort to compose a musical feat that you can compliment even if his music were not your style. He's put up demos and played some of the songs live by himself, but the album demonstrates a carefully crafted set of artistic beauty and expression. The instrument set ranges from guitar to banjo, mandolin, drums, oh yeah, and a miniature orchestra (provided by Low Tree Grow Tall)! "Tornadoes" is a killer opener in demonstrating how tight this album is musically, with each instrument set introducing itself individually, from the rhythm/accompaniment, then vocals, a pre-chorus build up, repeat everything, then the low end strings rise into the mix and give the album a terrific start. "Sunshine" proceeds to court your heart with it's poppy rhythm of the hand drums and the beautiful harmonies between Kevin and one of the phenomenal female vocalists that lend their talents toward this album. The entire album is riddled with creative progressions, a well balanced variety of instruments that comprehensively fill the tonal spectrum with a fullness of sound, and catchiness so infectious he could be speaking nonsense or controversy and you'd still want to sing along. "Give Us to Jesus" is one of the slower songs (invoking in my own mind random scenes from the movie The Prince of Egypt), invoking the atmospheric might that deep drums bring about over the crooning bowed strings and strumming guitar. The composition of this album was not only well executed, but very well thought out. "Rent" is honestly what sold the album for me, because it's songs like these I appreciate music for. It's simplistic in terms of composition, but there's so much heart poured into every note plucked, every word whispered, and every pulsing beat. It takes the business of the rest of the album out of your mind and creates a sensation of enclosed intimacy and introspection.

Lyrically, the album has its points I revel in, while others will not find as exciting, such as all the Biblically sound references in conjunction with sincerity in their portrayal; he wants you to understand that belief in God can be just as approachable as a relationship with another person, but God may be someone you'd like to talk to and work things out with. It's completely understandable that many people will find these lyrical points irrelevant or even a turn-off to Kevin's music, the subject is sensitive but he approaches it with blatant honesty in songs like "Tornado" with lines like "We made him cuddly, so that he might cuddle me" and "God is our bellies". I love that he portrays the human interference that comes naturally when interacting with the unchangeable nature of God, because while God may not be a force to poison, our perceptions and ideas of God are easily tainted with selfish desire or propaganda spread by people who get paid to spread "popular religion".
Outside of supernatural themes, themes of social struggles and *insert death jokes* are prevalent, as in the title track "Don't Die (but its whatever)", portraying how much death hurts us on the surface, but under deeper layers, Kevin is asking the listener not to live a life "focused on dying", pleading how much it hurts him to see such self-destruction while he is trying so hard to live. Coming back to "Rent", the contrast between winning and losing for a living, all whilst trying to pay our "rent"; it strikes a chord in my heart that could bring me to my knees at just the right time with the right amount of commiseration. The words are not always on the poetic side throughout the album (he does say 'die' a lot in the title track), but they are more well-written than not, and the simplicity of such things keeps the content honest and relate-able.

*insert objective, numeric score defining the album's worth*
Overall, 3 out of 3 Venoms on an MVC2 team.

LISTEN TO THIS ALBUM IF YOU LIKE: indie/folk music, Low Tree Grow Tall, ElisaRay, Self Proclaimed Narcissist, Insomniac Folklore, Destroy Nate Allen


*insert good*
Wide range of masterfully played instruments
Unique progressions, some delectably complex, some sincerely simple
Meaningful lyrics
Multiple heartmelting moments

*insert bad*
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction (theoretically, in the realm of physics), and if that were to apply to music, you could say that the album is so catchy that it may get old for some people who have a hard time replaying catchy music continuously. This album will get stuck in your head, and you will most likely go through cycles of loving and wishing it would turn off so you could sleep, or at least waiting for it to play in your dreams.

*insert irrelevant* My first impression of him as a human being was a typical handshake and exchanging of names, followed by him falling asleep while I got the crap kicked out of me by Erik (Self Proclaimed Narcissist) as we played Marvel vs. Capcom 2. Kevin didn't play to my memory, but I think he laughed as I told Erik to make sure Venom never died and he purposefully made sure Venom was a sitting duck to Choske (my band, A Quiet Place's drummer).

*Comparison to Pioneer Hymns* From the first note of "Tornadoes" you can are forced to admire the immense growth of Kevin's sound when compared to Pioneer Hymns. There's the obvious power of the bass bringing the depth P.H. lacked and the hand drums bringing the magnetic power of groovy rhythm. Then there's the more obvious melodic mastery of a string quartet. Then there are slighter inflections, such as Kevin's use of math-y, complex riffs, improved vocal strength, and greater use of harmonies between himself and the lady voices. Pioneer Hymns was written well, most the songs were played well, but Don't Die! is flourishing with life that is magical and almost otherworldly in comparison. The contrast shows humble beginnings that have undergone a journey of magnificent growth and transformation.

K-Dawg, thanks for the friendship, the opportunities to play music with you, to listen to your music, to review your album, to get it early, and for wealth of the Spirit that has been imposed upon me thanks to your work as His intercessor. Means the world, buddy.



For those of you who have never come here before, hi, I'm Fallon, this is my blog!

I have been consistently blogging since February 2010, with the exception of the last 4 months, in which I've taken much time toward changes in my life that involve the whole "becoming an adult thing" and "living what you believe stuff".

This blog has been dedicated to whatever I felt important at the time, whether it may be a social issue I felt worth addressing or a musical effort worth boasting or an emotion worth purging. I'd like to think there's been a greater amount of quality in topics or quality of writing than me whining or saying stupid things, but there's been a great amount of both around these parts.

I've decided that life rants and emotional purgings are valuable, but if they're of public disclosure, they should be 100% honest, decoded, and directed toward some type of desire for hope or encouragement by the end of it all. Anything else goes can be saved for the diary.

So you can expect to see anything from thoughtful and balanced music reviews, an in-depth disclosure (maybe some day a discussion) of my worldview on any topic I find relevant, some poetry that is not about teenage love angst, some music I've written or recorded or support (it will almost always have a free, legal, super legit download most likely from Bandcamp available), and other stuff too.

I apologize for the "Christiany" ads that may appear on the sides of the screen or the bottom. While I did opt to have ads on the site and while I do believe in the Biblical Jesus Christ being my reason to exist, there's this thing called "Christianity" that politicians and jerks with signs believe in as "life after death fire insurance" or "manipulative power or influence". I believe not in things as corrupt as the fake prayers you see before a political exhibition or the things that try to "sell God" or the things that hatefully condemn and judge the world, simply because they are not what the historical Jesus taught and are not what the Bible teaches. I came to belief out of reason, not out of trickery or brainwashing or fear. If you'd like more on that there are tons of posts you can read round these parts, but I'm just gonna leave it at that and say that I'm not here to condemn, harass, manipulate, brainwash, or ignorantly blab about metaphysical belief. I'm all about love and logic, and while there's some grey area between the two in certain places, I think they mostly work together. Just keep open your minds, hearts, and perceptions to any and everything, but above all, seek truth with diligence and scrutiny. It's the only thing that sets you free from this oppressive world.

For those of you who've been reading for any amount of time to regard the previous statements as old news,



Fill your hearts.

Fill my heart.


Throwing in Coals

I finished recording and released my second Every Day album at 3AM on this date.
I'm fairly proud of it, put a lot more effort into this one than the last with composition on all the songs.
This year has been emotional for very specific, dynamic reasons that have dramatically shifted the course of my life, so I thought it appropriate to pour a few more layers of depth into this one.

This is also the first time I made a song based on editing audio clips (I only took three clips from the original track!).

Missed posting on this blog.

Oh the things we do when we can't sleep.


I literally can't stop crying because you're gone. I severely miss your friendship and your heart and soul.
3 years with the chance of never coming back, it's overwhelming.

I would never feel this way for anyone else.

My friend, my brother, I love you, Drew.

I pray these things over you every day, not out of routine or duty, but love and confident sincerity.


"4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

Philippians 4:4-9

Strength in Truth and Purpose
"10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

-Philippians 4:10-13

Knowledge in and of Love
"9b we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,t10 so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified yout to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves,14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

Colossians 1:9b-14


An Overdue Update

I've taken up a discipleship which prevents me from using the internet alone or for long periods of time, so I won't be blogging much anymore. It's been fun, but I feel this is a time to focus on the present than reflect on the past. I've done a lot of that, which has pushed me into the discipleship in the first place. There's a long detailed story that explains everything but I'm not feeling the worth of its disclosure.

Just know that God is doing great things, yesterday, today, and forevermore.


The Word says not to let the Sun go down on your anger.

What of sadness?


The Paradox of Paranoia Induced Pursuit (Consumed)

The dots on the wall become bugs; crawl.Your second skin implores you to buy in.
Allow the separation of sanity to fall,
Like the rain of grace, with razors instead of peace.
The vociferous outward expression;
Expulsion of your need for relief will win within.
A point of ridicule, that trivial, embarrassing decision

Will give you everything.

Yet there will always be a hunger for the increase of heart beats,
A thirst for shakiness in your breathing,
Lust to scream in all of your thinking,
Demonic desire residing on your closed eyes and in the corners of glass and light-less seeing.

Only when they chase have they preyed.


Life is so Weird

It's amazing how I've noticed myself acting these days.
Recording complete strangers and ignoring my long-time musical friends.
Using the internet for hours when I've hundreds of untouched comics and a let-down Bible (oh, the promises I've made).
Buying video games whilst holding back on spending for others.
Hearing of a kind-hearted human's death and working like I heard not a thing.
Promising the Lord everything and giving him close to nothing.

I just wish I could say I care and believe such words coming from me.

I'm so clueless, so apathetic, I don't want to sleep in fear that I'm going to repeat the cycle.
It'd be safer if I remained here, staring at organized illumination; braindead in action, only as safe as the workings of my mind are in apathetic lobotomy.

Yet, I will always press on.
My blessed curse, my pain-inflicting self-defense.

All I want is complete empathy,
In what I do,
In what I see.


The only time I make an impact on my theologically skeptical friend and I don't even use an objective argument. Sometimes clear-minded passion makes sense, I guess.


Instructions on How to Listen to: "Seeking an End (to the Indefinite)"

Here's a list of things you can do to enhance your experience listening to this song:

  • Turn off the lights or close your eyes.
  • Anticipate rain.
  • Hold your breath for every chord that rings alone.
  • Hold your words in silence for a while after the song has ended.
  • Analyze the art.
  • See the world in still frames.
  • Refuse your environment your attention if it takes you away from this.
  • Wonder and contemplate.


Every Action

every word i sing
must not be intelligible
for if it were
this tree would be ripped from this
earth by the tornado
of judgement that is you

every action that i take
is a slow moving trainwreck
and every action that i fake
is a slow moving trainwreck
reaching out for an artichoke comprised of helium
ever fleeting

Breaking Bad Season 4 Episode 7 - Problem Dog - 34ish min in
Conversation between 12 Steps guy and Jesse during a meeting about Judging and beating yourself up.

and i can't let go of your memory
and i can't let go


Repentance comes in the days without thunder or sun or sleep or peace.
It comes when the rush overtakes, you grit in regret and go to bed.


Worth and Waste

I'm the penny pincher of time, 
But once pain's paid 50 cents I feel the insatiable urge to get some gum.
At that point it's twice the vice.

I take hours to free up minutes that are spent with Repentance Credit.
The Bank of Forgiveness always replenishes, but I fail to feel the pain I know I deal.



Just one of those "Life In General" posts.
One of those "I Write About My Life in Hopes that a Person Who Appreciates My Existence Like  I Appreciate Other Strangers' Existence on the Internet" posts.
One of those "Reminder of my Life in the Event I Should Ever Lose My Memory, Which is a Secret Anticipation of Mine" posts.

It seems like this year has not been a year to be on Blogger.
Don't get me wrong, a lot has happened, but it's that sheer volume of happening that has prevented me from speaking my mind around these parts.

Since the show with Self Proclaimed Narcissist in May I had the opportunity to join A Quiet Place for another show with SPN, and his friend Kevin Schlereth.
It was easily one of the best nights I have had and will have all year.
Before the show Martha showed me a fantastic comic book shop in Spokane by the name of Merlyn's.
The performances by Erik and Kevin were splendid, my best friend Brenna also played with another good friend Elizabeth Tesone.
AQP did a pretty good  job too, first show we've had with Elijah since the first one, plus we improvised an entire song live.
The real fun came with hanging out in the Shari's parking lot with Martha, Elizabeth, Brenna, Erik, and Kevin until 4:00 AM, laughing and talking and getting to know each  other's interests and mannerisms.
Erik was also kind enough to play every song request on our hearts.

Somewhere in there I failed to mention that Martha and I have started collecting comics, nearing 100, including some pretty neatly written, beatifully illustrated works, and some rarities.
It takes up a lot of our time and much of our income and we love it.

Martha and I have been dating for 9 and a half months.
We really enjoy one another.

The internship is still happening with Indie Vision Music, it's just slow at the moment,  I've had a lot to do and I've been wasting a lot of time with wasteful things.

I put in my two weeks for my summer job at Silverwood Theme Park, pursuing a part-time job at OfficeMax, which is right next to my home and pays more and sounds more fufilling.

I finished "Out of the Silent Planet" by C.S. Lewis: Breath-taking.
I read Kurt Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse Five": Captivating and not at all what the title suggests.
Currently on Lewis' "Perelandra".
Reading books and comic books is quite an enjoyable and time-worthy pasttime.

If you never hear from me again this Summer:
I'll be working on an experimental music video game with my dear friend J.
I'll need every sincere prayer your lips can utter: Christ makes all things new and I need a newness of focus, faith, and understanding to fight the battle for my soul.


My heart will be poured out in but a moment.
In but a moment it will be ignored.

All I see is a fog of poison.
I feel completely broken on the inside.

Stand up for yourself; speak for yourself; make your own decisions.
I act solely based upon what is desired of me by others and the inconsistencies/irresponsibilities/shortfallings of my personal existence.


Time to Reflect on Past, Present, and Future Failures

I never really knew what I was getting into when I decided to lead a lifestyle filled with ambition and hope. Realizing just how capable and talented I really am, or rather the opposite.
I feel to be subpar in everything that I do; incompetent, inadequate to those who've come before me.
I realize there is such a thing as a due process of development, but with bigger steps taken I am falling more and more each day.
My goals as a musician have vanished as I take on a mindless place of employment I still manage to screw up to a potentially major degree on a daily basis.
Creative works are half-conceived, a fourth executed, and a sixteenth received at all. God only knows to what fraction of an extent of that reception is positive or even considered for more than a minute.
My blog is nearly dead, my post rate dropping from every other day to every other week.
Interning for IVM is incredibly disheartening as I am slow to post reviews and have been making mistakes from misspelling the feature's title to allowing my bias to play into my overall scoring, both which were met with severe criticism.

My stomach is cringing.

I have not gotten a call back from my interviewer, which would seal my fate at my parents home and my regressive job if my assumptions were to be true.

Above all, the reader is more than likely to, at this present moment, find myself either extending an unwanted invitation to a public pity party, to disagree with my "rash" personal criticisms, or to find myself in a lack of faith that everything will turn out, since it is in the Lord's hands.

I don't even want to speak of how I am continually failing the Lord.

I want to bury my face in a silent, darkened room. But it's that week were all eyes and lights and ears and voices point their focus on me. There is no escape from the friction of foreign love for me and self-hatred.

I just want a break.



Expectations can be entirely deceiving.
At least mine are.
That whole "law of positive attraction" thing the new age philosophers speak of,
I don't buy it.
I'm not saying I ever believed it for a second, but all my hope for a thing to go right does not matter an ounce when the doors close and I'm left alone.
When the gate opens and the train is stopped, I expect to see smiles and am greeted with vulgar criticism and disrespect.
Passion has managed its way to the foreground, but all that I can see is that it is there; that interaction is the only one produced.

Lift and repeal.
Lift to repeal.
Hope feels fabricated as perseverance is tested.
Hope and perseverance's relevance in existence, highly debated.
I fight on their behalf, though the evidence is found by scrounging.

As long as I remember that I have seen the glow of light,
Felt its warmth,
Calmed in comfort,
I won't stop screaming for its safety in the dark.



Art is, as definitively put as possible, creative communication.
Now, with a bit more subjective appreciation, I must expand to say that art possesses the capability to capture a deeper understanding of one's self, the perspectives of others, and the interpretations or expressions of the perceived universe.
Some art promotes wonder and curiosity of our existence; some art rejects ideologies perceived as false and embraces others.
Some art portrays an event; some art portrays an enigma of the mind.

Regardless of content, art involves three things: the creator, the consumer, and the communication passed on from the creator's end to the consumer's through the art piece.
Whether the piece promotes expression or education, it always encourages both other parties to go beyond the state of existence they currently reside and pursue another one, be that state one of contemplative empathy, philosophical realization, a change in mood...

While yes, you can consider the money-mongering radio stars, bands that make music as an excuse to party, and the ignorant soapbox celebrity artists, there is always that level of cognitive organization of sifting through art that is stimulating to one's life, or is distracting or destructive.
Even deep, meaningful art can be negative, and it could have been intended to be so.
I've spent hours and hours indulging in art which aided in some of the lower points of my life.
Personally, I care not to indulge in such self-destructive pleasures.

To each his own in the freedom of free-will, but woe to those who take such freedom for granted by the means of selfishness and ignorance.

I don't really have a direction for this post.
I guess I've just been incredibly inspired by creation as of late.
From music to video games to visual art to nature, such careful procedures have carried out the most significant and beautiful things in this world.
I think it's so amazing because it's what we were made for as humans, to bear fruit (it's crazy Biblical).
To think of the complexity of the creative process in general, and then look at the universe and apply such a process into it, it's beyond comprehension.
I'm generally not one to spout a subjective view as evidence for an objective reality, and if I truly wanted to I could get down to the microbiological and atomic level of explanation for how the universe and all life in it was created, but I just wish to take this time to revel in the communication of the art form which maintains the ability for sentient beings such as ourselves to beget further unique, incomparable forms of creative communication.

Here's some of my favorite pieces of art I've yet come across.
This isn't an "of all time" list, I couldn't possibly speculate the depth of impact each piece has impressed upon my life.

Proteus (video game, free download) - The game is in early, early test forms as of right now, but I've spent hours on it exploring, listening, thinking, and feeling.

Disasterpeace is an artist that truly captures emotion while carefully composing every second of the auditory experience.

-Martha made this for me a few years back. Since then I've used it as my album art for some of my Every Day songs, but the message caught up in the texture and contrast of the colors, all wrapped in minimalist simplicity... It strikes a chord in my heart.

I would post some poetry, but I would probably end up picking lyrics over any poem I can think of. I appreciate the medium dearly, and participate in it as well, but I can't say I've picked favorites in poetry. This is something I now wish to do.


A Watered Down, Insincere Public Disclosure of Recent Life Happenings Written from a Broken State of Mind

Blogging has been at an all time low this year, thus far.

Playing with Self-Proclaimed Narcissist was a spectacular experience, though I must say I walked away from that night a bit wounded and confused, as well as raw and aware.
Paradoxical, but it all happened.
Sore pride, disheartened attitude;
Enlightened mind, growing spirit.

The working world brings about responsibilities I have grown accustomed to leaving behind.
As a result I am flashing between fits of frustration, complaint, and self-pity, then strength, endurance, and self-sustainability.

I finished reading Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis.
All that was imposed brought intense introspection and a good amount of inspiration.

Coinciding with my newly revitalized love for literature, Martha and I have been getting into comic books: she for the first time, I for the first since middle school.

Nostalgia, the Sega Genesis has come out of the box, reigniting my attraction to a particular timbre of music and interactive art.

Seeing Social Distortion live for the first time since 2006 or '07 brought upon insightful reflection and emotional outpouring (and an indefinitely length-ed charlie horse in my leg.)

School work has increased in volume and demand for my effort, which further repulses me from the pointless high school classroom.
This further leads me to ponder: For what reason am I to go to college? Where does my financial future lie? Music or monotony?

Physically, I've fluctuated from unending energy to a depression seeping, manifested in muscles, most felt upon awaking.

Pages of writing have been produced within my mind, or at least the ambition to see them in fruited splendor.
Though sadly, the Innocent Unfortunate Planet remains raped and her suicide in vain;
I see different shades of me from the mirrors on the street to sleep, yet no understanding shall my faces meet.
Songs, unborn, unsung, my seed, washed away.

Maybe it's all a waste of time.

My soul belongs to the Lord, despite dissent in the heart.
The speed of my beating breast reverberates in the requested silence, long since spoiled in the brain of the bent.
God, your tears no longer soak but rather steam and singe my skin.
How close am I to Hell?
Why, when I read Revelation to I feel the fire of fury over the fire of love?
There is no path where I tread; merely the arbitrary inkling or imagining of one.
I've done all of this to myself.

But I see hope, it will come, I will be free.
That is not how I feel, but what I know.


The Essence of Pain

Pain is not that which agitates the nerves in your toe upon it being stubbed.
It is not the sadness that comes from grieving or a bad day.

Pain the manifestation of unsatisfied longing.
You can truly understand when taking this into perspective under any circumstance, good or bad.

Dramatic irony produces pain within the captivated reader, yearning for their insider information to be expelled and shift the story's direction.
The yearning is a result of that pain.

The final, climactic movement of a emotional song, the moments that lead up to the pinnacle of the composition and the resolution that follows.
Pain appears in the excitement building to the fruition of the musical journey, the listener focused intensely on reaching the end.

Kicking to the surface of a lake, pounding on that thick sheet of ice, muscles burning, eyes wide open, lungs anxiously and instinctively demanding their regular intake.

Tired bodies only wish to find relaxation at the point of over-stimulation.
Darting eyes seek relief for that which supports their ability to see.
If only quivering lungs could speak.

The pain is simply the desire to be at rest.
Pain is the unmuted plea for peace.


My lovely lady made this flyer for what potentially may be one of the coolest shows I will ever play.
Never thought I'd actually get to play music with musicians I look up to.


Blogging: A Paradise Hard to Come by These Days

I am truly so busy with work, school, writing, recording, working out show details, writing album reviews, spending time with my loved one and other random things that I just don't have time to make lengthy, relevant, or creative posts on here. I pretty much live my life day-by-day, trusting everything will get done on schedule and to the best ability, but it's just taxing to commit to creative works around these parts.

I used to post every other day or so, but I'm hardly posting every other week. I'm really sorry to you who read, I developed an odd, silent, fabricated relationship with you that is fading away along with my youth.

I've had a bunch of creative writing ideas but I can't get the pen to paper without neglecting something else. Hopefully, as schedules fluctuate and energy abounds on late nights such as this, I will return with something that may pique your interest or spark a fire within your thought process. Only time will tell.

Keep up with me in A Quiet Place and on Facebook, I guess.


I am Unhealed.

The words I speak are not words that define me in this current time and space.
I cannot reiterate any more efficiently: I'm broken and I'm losing ground.

Redeemer, meet me here.
I need an answer.

This is exactly how I feel.
Completely destroyed and fake to all that has embraced me.
You'll never know.

Or you might.

Lyrics to the album.

Do yourself a favor, listen to this album and gain just enough hope to find peace again.


"COME ON! I Just Apologized Five Minutes Ago..."

I have reached the epitome of hypocrisy.
There's an end I feel but have no ability to see.
And I have this idea that it's something I have to enable, still blind.
I literally see miracles on a daily basis, I see God literally speaking to me on my computer screen and not even so much as a blink.

How depraved, shaking in shame.

4 Jesus said to them, "A prophet is not without honor except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home." 5 He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. 6 He was amazed at their lack of faith.
-Mark 6:4-6


Experience the Sadness of Separation

Just a brief update to sort of chronicle A Quiet Place's progress.

This Saturday, the 7th, we recorded two new songs: "Bellow" and "Lost in Indifference" (an Every Day song).

You can listen to "Bellow" here (If you have about 16 minutes to spare):

We're playing our 3rd show on Friday with The Ongoing Concept and some other local bands, really hoping to increase our impact at this show. Now that we have a song with words, we might not be treated as a random gimmick at a show of "real" music, but something with relevance. I don't care how much we get treated as much as the relevance of our music is heard. We don't want to be the "inspirational music guys", we want to impress upon hearts and make a difference the only way we can: prayerfully introducing the love and power of God in any way we can.

Pushing past the fact that we play the music is really hard, but it's necessary while we play the music, in all honesty we don't compose it by our own means, but the Spirit inspires us. We'll jam and record it, and bam, that's our next song. No joke. Then we'll pray about it and it has depth and purpose and a full concept. No toiling over, "What sound do we go for?" or "What's this song gonna be about?". We just listen to God speak and play it, essentially. He is all we should boast about, because we're just messengers. Messengers never go, "I'm so proud of the message I sent, I worked so hard on it!", they speak for another person, even if their heart may agree with the message.

Most times I'm the one the message is for! "The Rest of the Verse" is a call for a quiet place to rest, and I need that so much with all the senseless worrying I do.
"Bellow" was written to sympathize with someone who feels cornered in their sin and needs the realization to repent and grace to be forgiven. I need that on a daily basis.

Just kind of blabbing right now...

Oh, another big thing for us, we're playing a show with Self-Proclaimed Narcissist on May 7th at the Hop! Very stoked to have the honor of playing with him, we've been talking a bit while trying to set up the show, he's a swell dude.

And we're getting a bass cabinet in a week or so, thanks to Choske's (our drummer) and my mothers, our $50 in album sales, and Andrew Brand (guitarist). It'll be loud! We're incredibly thankful for it, we won't have to borrow gear like lame people anymore.

That's about it, I believe.


Published my First Review as an Intern at Indie Vision Music!

My first legitimate act of journalism. I like to think I did a decent job, being out of my element and struck with a killer cold and all.
I never thought that starting this blog would lead to something like becoming a reviewer for a really solid Christian music site. I am truly blessed to be an intern, I really want to make it as a full-time staffer. Life gets busy, but if God wills it, it won't get too busy.


Take a look, any suggestions or critiques, send 'em my way!

So far I hope to review the upcoming Demon Hunter, Destroy Nate Allen, Heartside Hooligans, and The Ongoing Concept.

It'd be pretty sweet to get A Quiet Place on there.


Focus; Consistency; Endurance

The common cold is a routine reminder of myself as a feeble failure.

I am weak and am prone to complain quickly.

Found a faker for physical fatigue;
Guilty as naturally negative for the way I see things.

There are reasons for me to quit and lay in bed at every end of a good week or the start of a greater day.

This could hardly be considered creative, after all it's explicit, without secret, and redundant/irrelevant.
All I seek to be is perceived as such.

It has been that way and will continue.
My default in this new life has always been hopeful and enduring.


Plate Tectonics

There seems to be a call of attention to every earthquake that manifests its presence with casualties.
As for the uncountable micro-tremors, the shakings in the low and lonesome corners of the Earth, they are unheard of.

Yet the thing about the skin of the Earth is that it is one functioning body;
My molten bloodflow shifts the warmth across my bones, triggering in my nerves that which is perceived as cold.
When things start moving and I can't feel a thing, it's at that point I should be concerned but have neglected the guidance of my wise eyes.

Wise, wide-open eyes, please pick up these deaf, dying ears and speak to that force that causes my blood to course.
The unchangeable iron center that has held us together does not rely on any type of weather, local, interplanetary, or galactic.
It will continue to hold us together until the inevitable consummation by our sun or the holes of black gravitation take control of all systems.

Will we thrive and be free until our day of reckoning?

The Noetic Poet

I'm lost in indifference
Smiles fade with the grave hearted here
Life entombed, crushed under the boot
Of a world that just won't disappear


Lord, I feel the way I speak is abrasive and poorly thought out.
Same goes for how I breathe.


When I speak, my teeth and tongue turn to swords and spikes, which elongate and fire away.
This way, there are gaps where the blades have been depleted, leaving the end of my sentence to stab into my gums.


Best Friend

My best friend since 8th grade, Brenna Dunn, is a phenomenal portion of existence; a heartfelt creation.

She made this album, it's a free download, it's quality folk, indie music.
I used to fall asleep to old demos of "Crossroads", "Falling for You", and "One More Embrace".
This human being has been an essential part of who I am today.
I would review this demo for your sake, but I'd be horribly biased on top of the indisputable soul she expresses through her art.

She's one of two active musical artists and the lead graphic designer on my developing record label, Crazy Knuckles Records.

Here's the latest draft of the logo she sent me:

Why haven't you downloaded her free album yet?!


A Lesson in Humility

For about a month or so my girlfriend and I have been reading this book titled The Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel. The book records an accredited journalist's research for the potential evidence in the universe for an intelligent designer, namely to seek the relevance for metaphysical belief, especially Christianity.

I don't want to get into an amount of detail she will be opposed to having exposed on the internet, but Martha (this is not my girlfriend's real name, but I feel she'd rather not have me use it for this post) has been an atheist for about a year after a falling out with the Christian beliefs she was raised on, and currently holds her belief not because she feels God has been disproved, but rather she does not see the proof of God in majority or entirety.

As you may guess, we are polar opposites on this issue. Granted, I've been looking into science's explanations for the origin of the universe and the origin of life for 3ish years (I've been a devoted follower of Christ since I was 13, though I can say I've believed in Him since I can first remember) and have come to the understanding that the evidence for the existence of everything spells out "D-E-S-I-G-N" (but replace the English characters with physics, cosmology, biology, and slews of other fields of science).

We didn't really think of the implications this would take on our romantic relationship when it first began. We'd been friends for almost 4 years, so that was the only mutual foundation we built our progression upon. For someone with such convictions as I, this was a decision that left the most critical of disagreements unaddressed and neglected, creating distance between her and I, and between God and I.

After many arguments, some which have compromised the entirety of our relationship, we've decided to make a forward investigation to reveal the truth. She feels God has not been proved to her; it is a sincere desire, a need, in my heart and a command from the Lord to spread the true Gospel. I've found evidence for the existence of an intelligent creator I cannot refute; naturalistic theories such as Darwinism and game changers like Nihilism have all been proven false to me, while design continually garners more evidence. We've decided to let the evidence speak for itself, removing as much bias as possible from interpretation. While it may seem that this is a incredible task to present to two philosophically inquisitive adolescents, it is a journey we feel necessary to embark on, a journey who's discoveries will dictate our individual lifestyles thoroughly.

Now that you have that in mind, I want to say I feel I've done a terrible job guiding her through my interpretations of evidence she has just recently pondered while I've had around 3 years to consider and ask questions about. While I am in awe of the complex microbiological mechanisms that began to work in our cells during the origin of life, I honestly haven't a clue what that means to her. We talk about the evidences revealed to us in the book, such as the Cambrian Explosion, but she remains conceded to her notion because she wants to see all of the evidence for intelligent design that she can realistically consider, as well as the opposing perspectives, the non-theists, and how they view the evidence.

And yet, while she's making a very thoughtful decision by waiting to analyze the evidences as a whole, I'm ignorantly putting pressure on her to make a concerete conclusion based on a few pieces of evidence that she's had less than 2 months to process. I realized my negative influence after reading what historian and philosopher of science Stephen Meyer had to say about attributing the evidence of God to being an idol of the mind or of science:

"So exploring the scientific and historical evidence for God is not only a cognitive exercise, but it's an act of worship for me. It's a way of giving the Creator the credit and honor and glory that are due to him. To attribute creation to a mere natural process is a form of idolatry to which we're all prone. I don't judge my naturalistic colleagues for being prone to that. That's how I'm constituted as well. All of us have a tendency to minimize God, to think and behave as if we weren't really immersed in his creation and that we aren't ourselves the product of his unimaginable creative power."

What I've been doing is straight-up judgement against her undecided disposition. I need to grasp some amount of empathy for her disposition. I mean, if I were in her shoes I'd not want to make a decision either, I'd want answers to the questions which fuel my skepticism. She has a lot of unanswered questions; mine have all been answered and somewhat forgotten. I'm in the "worshipping the Creator of all conceivable existence within the universe" stage, she's in the "I haven't seen enough to be sure of any sort of intelligent designer" stage. I haven't been mindful of that, and I need to be. It'd be ignorant and arrogant to continue hanging my "I know the truth" notion over her.


Keep Your Head Above Water

When the daily routine of juggling your responsibilities has a couple extra items to catch and throw up into the air, you have to be able to respond and shift your rhythm instantaneously.

I've been involved with so many extra music projects lately that it feels as if I've attained a part-time job performing, recording, mixing, promoting, networking, managing, organizing, composing, researching, and writing for music.
Within the past 4 weeks so much has been accomplished, and for it all to be possible I have to attribute the credit to the Lord. Committing my plans to Him (Proverbs 16:1-3) and removing myself from the equation as much as possible and replacing His will with mine is the only reason any of this has been remotely possible.

  • My band A Quiet Place released our first set of songs, an EP comprised of 3 songs running 27 minutes long. I cannot emphasize how blessed I am to be a part of this group, which has its roots in spreading the Gospel. It's the release I've always dreamed of making: sincere music communicating a sincere message. As opposed to being completely ignored, as I would naturally expect, we've received nothing but positive feedback, hundreds of plays online, and almost 30 free downloads (two people were kind enough to donate!). Sadly, though, one of our guitarists is unable to play with us anymore, making us a 3 piece, like we started. We even played our second show without him, and while it was a great experience to make a sincere impact on a handful of people, there was a unique and powerful presence missing the whole night. Elijah's indefinite absence has caused me to realize how much of an impact he and the other guys in the band have made on my life. I can honestly call them my brothers in Christ. Our friendships have been growing with every interaction and I hope they continue to do so throughout our lives.

  • I've laid out the groundwork for a local DIY record label, which I've named Crazy Knuckles Records, recruiting some close friends to join and help with different aspects of running a label, such as art, promotion, sound engineering, etc. The purpose behind starting such a venture is to add life to the vegetated state of the North Idaho/Eastern Washington music scene. The most we have going for us is a metal scene which revolves around the "I'm in a band or friends with a band" complex and partying. The few acts that are truly dedicated to meaningful and unique art are subsequently overshadowed, unmotivated, or unsure of how to rise above and make a name for themselves. The record label will allow for local artists to network with one another and essentially build for themselves a platform to spread their art. There are no genre boundaries, and, while the act must pass my personal biases through tryouts/demo submissions, the only true qualification to join in the movement is the ability and motivation to produce meaningful and creative communication. Heck, I'll take just about any art medium, I just want to make a difference around here. I've taken into consideration making a "Christian label", but truthfully I feel that the Lord has put so many talented artists in my life, and I feel that they deserve just as much, if not more, love and support. That will reveal Christ's love better than creating philosophical barriers.

  • The plans made to become an audio engineer are becoming more and more realistic, as I've been embarking on a plethora of different recording projects. Obviously, there's the EP, but I didn't have as big of a hand on the engineering aspect as our guitarist. I recorded drums for the first time with my friend Avery, we made a semi-joke mathgrind song you can listen to here. I've also recorded a handful of tracks for a video game I'm making with my teacher and friend, Scott Jacobson. So far we've incorporated 2 guitars, a bass, a trumpet, a trombone, and a saxophone. I'm hoping to include a slew of other instruments, especially if we can get a MIDI keyboard. All these recording projects have required me to do some equalization and digital editing, things foreign to me over a year ago.

  • I've had the opportunity to apply for a journalist position at Indievisionmusic.com, where I wrote two album reviews that I hope to post in the near future. I've never really done a formal review or interview, but I've analyzed and dissected several albums and songs in the past, so it was a natural fit for me to write in such a way. Please pray for this endeavor, I'm really excited to receive feedback in the next few weeks.
This is a bit of a personal journal-y post, and for that I apologize. I said a couple months I'd stop doing this, and I ended up not blogging for a long while, so I think it best to remove unnecessary limitations and continue to grow as a writer in every aspect. Thanks for reading.


A Meaning to Minecraft; a Point to Pokemon

For those of you who are unaware, I, like many of my peers, have grown up with video games being a huge part of my childhood. In fact, it wasn't until a couple years ago that I stopped playing them for hours every week, sometimes daily. Just by looking at the Gameboy to the left here I am transported back to hundreds of hours I've clocked in on Pokemon, all the hours I fantasized about games where all the Nintendo characters crossover into each other's games (this happened with Super Mario Bros.), the long nights of ridiculous, crass, carefree humor playing on Xbox Live.

I don't want to reminisce too much, but I am positive there are a great number of individuals who've had impressed into their lives at least one time where they experienced joy from a video game. Be it a social situation, an hour of boredom relieved, or an all-night lock-in to beat a game, everyone's experience has been enjoyed on a subjective level, but there's a common bond that I feel can be related to other types of media like music or movies.

The commonalties of interaction - entertainment, emotional connection, maybe even appreciation for the amount of work poured into whatever you may have enjoyed - are where I come to the conclusion that video games are not just a pass-time, but a legitimate art form.

This starts to make sense when you put together the ideas that video games can be a means of expression and communication, that they can be beautiful aesthetically, and that they even include entire other art forms (music, acting, writing, visual art, etc.). You could go as far as to say some select modern video games are a wholly realized, interactive fusion of several art forms.

Type "Beautiful Video Game" in Google; Get lots of Journey.

With that being said, there are also some imperative issues with video games and their captivating power in their interactive abilities. No, I'm not referring to the controversies over violent influence on players, nor the addictive tendencies developed that could be compared to that of a gambling problem. While those issues may have their demographic that needs to be addressed, there is a greater issue that is unseen: video games have been limited to a medium to reach entertainment, under-utilizing the ability to make a meaningful impact as an art form.

I know I'm naturally someone who seeks a deeper meaning in every aspect of life, but I'm not trying to advocate straight-up intense philosophy into video games, even though I think it'd be a completely valid  path for a game or game genre to take up. All I'm wishing for is that the primary focus of a game to push beyond the realm of removing the burdens of boredom. It seems that games with well developed and interesting stories like the Halo franchise put the action-packed gameplay in the forefront of its worth, making its story and any amount of meaning within it an afterthought for the majority of consumers (and believe me, it is riddled with social, political, and religious themes).

Take a gander at the picture below for a second or two.

Here we have at least one, if not multiple people, pouring their time, effort, and creative perspective into a Minecraft map to make their own unique creation. I would bet money that this took weeks worth of hours to create, all the individual details, planning out the creation, mining the resources for it. The bummer thing about it is that no one will admire this but the creator's colleagues, people he associates with on forums, and people like me, who googled "epic minecraft" and stumbled upon one of thousands of pictures to choose from.

It is downright amazing that people are doing things like this and downright sad that the huge significance is secluded into the community to which it is attributed to. Things like this go to show that people are motivated to play video games beyond the sake of mindless entertainment. They want to do something more, better, greater. I know I'm asking for what seems to be a lot, but when it comes down to it, there is an unmeasurable potential being wasted by game designers and consumers who don't understand that creativity is alinear, lateral, such as much in life. If people would put into and expect life to be in games, they would earn the attention, respect, and, most importantly, the worthiness of your time.

I quit playing video games because they do not stimulate me beyond exercising my basic mental capabilities. Once meaning and purpose become one of the lead innovations in gaming, I'll jump back in, first thing.

Video games should change lives, not waste them.

For games made by lateral thinkers, check out Proteus, Flower, and Portal.


To dwell in darkness
And see a flash of light
And realize it was just a trick of the eyes
Forevermore, I will scorn that with a bright resemblance.


Abruptly Endi-

I have been falsely informing to those who consult me about my plans for the weekend.
Alluding to being busy, but the truth is, I'm praying for a day of solidity.
While I rather detest open statements about life in poetry (I'm somewhat of a Romantic, you see),

I've open flame thawing freedom thickened, frozen.

How I miss the peace of solidarity (although I am never truly alone, which I am thankful).

Details would've been likely to proceed the previous line, but my time is not familiar with singularity at any given moment.


A Quiet Place: A Sincere Hope Realized

I've been praying about this since October, and while I briefly updated about the status of the project a few days ago, I'm happy to say it has produced the beginnings of fruit which will, with hope, touch someone's heart, change someone's life, or simply make a person's day.

Yesterday we recorded a 3 song EP.
In my opinion, this is the most significant project I've ever taken part in, due to it's ordinance by the Holy Spirit.

We base our name, A Quiet Place, and vision off of Mark 6:31 (as I've posted before) and Proverbs 16:1-3:

"31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.""
-Mark 6:31

"1 To humans belong the plans of the heart,but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue.
2 All a person's ways seem pure to them,but motives are weighed by the Lord.
3 Commit to the Lord whatever you do,and he will establish your plans."
-Proverbs 16:1-3

If you have the time, please pray for us to always keep our eyes on the Lord, He's the only reason any of this is working or significant.

Thank you for listening, feel free to download the EP for $0.00!



Hash out old memories,
Sift through familiar feelings,
I'll tell you which ones still reflect "Me."

Healing comes from repentance;
Within is peeling of one's
Crust of a skin: self-proclaimed sentence.

"Take the log from your own eye."
I am weak.
"If the left is closed and still you sin, gouge out the right."
I am afraid.
"Remember me."
I have fallen asleep.

Even as I write,
Wander, does my mind.
Self-offense is the way I must fight.

Damn the demons,
Blame the bird,
(Slander myself) I did all of this to myself.

Plead in prayer,
Soak my sores,
Help me with my unbelief!

Singularized into the cyclic circumstance of ideological indecision,
Cursed by obsession to critique every inch of my existence;
There must be something wholly good about me.


Busy, Busy

I really am no longer a fan of personal updates, considering that people read this who talk to me on a daily basis,
But to neglect an update is to neglect one of the founding principles of this blog: to be a public expressive journal to document my journey through life.

So I digress to the last couple weeks of my life...

For starters, within the same week my 2 year old cousin and my girlfriend both moved into my house.
A household of 4 to 6 is now 6 to 8!
It's been a complete roller-coaster of emotion, and while I'd like to get into detail of why both moved in, I will refrain from doing so for their benefit.

The unnamed post-rock band I promoted back in August/September/October is now named and we had played our first show!
We went by Every Day (my acoustic ambient project) for the show, but now go by A Quiet Place.
We opened for a local metalcore band by the name of The Ongoing Concept, who've received a LOT of views on their music video (over 25,000!) and have been covered by decent sized internet music news media outlets like Indie Vision Music.
It was a blast and privilege to play with them, and to make things better we were invited to play with them any chance we get.

The goal of A Quiet Place is derived from a specific command to the disciples of Christ in Mark 6:31, just before Jesus feeds 5,000:

"Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.""

During a contemplation for how we were to perform for the night of the show, Andrew Choske, our drummer, sincerely suggested that we give the audience the opportunity for solace to be presented to the spectators; allowing them to dance, sit next to the drumset, sing their own melodies, lay down with eyes closed, yell under the veil of sound our music provides.
We feel compelled by the Holy Spirit to provide a quiet place to get some rest.
We prayed about it for weeks and after the show, its been unanimously confirmed in our hearts to carry this mission out.
Humility is going to be a battle where we must stand our ground, as to not interfere with the work of the Spirit, but rather He work through us.

That's about all I have for right now, if you pray, pray for me whenever you get the chance.
God's calling me to repent to long neglected separations, and its a battle I'm determined to see through.



I've Found a New Artist to Never Share with Anyone or Listen to on my Own Again

I've had a long and contemplative night.

Contemplations of infinity;
The lack of harmony,
Imperfect, decrepit.

I listened to an album which reflects the Alzheimer's experience.
Progressively, I found myself in need for it to end.
Panic, manifesting, quietly chanting, "This isn't what life is like."

Whisper white lie.

Life should not be in such a way as it was presented and reminded to me.

Yet, the lie only exists in temporary conditioning.
This continual reminder brought me to steady breathing.
Though I may not be able to shake the mental inducted physical drowning,
Storms and tides may enfold my cage;
I will see beyond me.


Dove White Crest; Blackened Hell Within

A chilling draft into an upward gust;
I've received time to heal my broken wings.
Still sore, I climb the winds
Gripping your back with talons, I've given you momentum.

Yet, granted this is speculation, your newly gifted ears have not done much hearing.
Further into my feathered chest you nuzzle your beak.
Fervently, I flutter and flap, attempting to might up our collective weight.

And again, here descend Planetary whim.
Collision course set, a denial to jump ship.
I will take in this toxic atmosphere.

Rocky, clouded breath in.

The searing cold of space curses my thin.

Keepin' them Crazy Knuckles Busy for February.

Everything is about to get real.
Jesus, the blessed black hole, is pulling everything in with gravitational singularity.

Get ready.


Off the Stage and Onto the Floor and Out to the Streets

The raised platform is a peculiar invention.
Like television it allows the viewer maximum enjoyment when the entertainment of choice makes its presentation.
But also, like television, it presents what is called "the fourth wall", through which it seems interaction becomes impossible.

Now, no one really has the want or need to interact with their documentary on blackholes, so I feel that there are certain instances where that which is desiring your attention should keep the fourth wall up and work within the bounds of which are present.

But then you get music, something to relate to, something that you identify with.
A concert provides you the opportunity to take that interaction of listening and experiencing you'd normally have on the internet, cd, mp3, and taking it a step further.
It's your chance to experience a unique, emotionally charged performance that can never be replicated, to dance, to sing along, to be in camaraderie with the crowd, or to express your appreciation to the artist in person.

Though for some strange reason, that stage where musicians and thespians present their art, that platform of ground creates a aesthetic which ascends to godhood those who walk on it and procures attention and respect from those who reside down below.

The attitude The Chariot holds at their shows is what, I feel, artists striving to make a connection and a difference with their music should uphold.

The artist is no greater or worse than anyone else.
In fact, we're all artists in our own ways, and we all make art possible by contributing to different creative ventures.
This is why I appreciate bands that talk and hang out after their shows, friend and IM people who support them on Facebook and online forums, bands that play on the floor and set up webcams for online shows, bands that give away music, fans who mosh hard, without hate, who pick each other up, who offer their houses and cars for the sake of a show or a tour, venues without age limits, sincere staff, and put on free or cheap shows.

Through music, we gain unity not commonly achieved.
It's a form of communication that transcends all five senses and every language.

If there's a stage, dive off of it.
If there's a microphone, wrap arms over shoulders and share it.
Sell an album, make sure you've given one away first.
Illustrate your heart, appreciate all the rest.

This one goes out to Destroy Nate Allen, The Heartside Hooligans, Levi the Poet & the White Collar Sideshow, The Chariot, Dan Smith of Listener, Self-Proclaimed Narcissist, Otto Nobot, Debtor, Sanhedrin, A Plea for Purging, The Ongoing Concept, Josh and everyone at HXCChristian.com, Hal and Blackhole and every artist, local or otherwise, who've portrayed their artistry with humility and genuity. The ones listed I have personally been blessed by with their music and, for some, friendship, even if it is limited to the internet or a one-time conversation.

No thanks to bouncers who are jerks, hate moshers, pretentious metalcore bands, pretentious musicians, pretentious anyone/thing, and venues that charge over $20 a ticket for no great reason other than to make excessive amounts of money.


"Educate Yourself in the Things You Believe in..."

You can buy these DVD's at http://illustramedia.com/

I began my search for purpose with truth and proof in mind.
I have not been let down at the profound amount of evidence existence holds.


Don't Let Your Friends Define You

Most everything you come into contact with will influence you to some degree, regardless of your willpower, interest level, or awareness of such influence.
Breakfast, history class, Lil' Wayne (yes, I am frequently and unfortunately subject to having Weezy stuck in my head from time to time), strangers, friends...
Whether we soak them in, resist them, or are simply present, characteristics of our surroundings affect us every second of the day, consciously or unconsciously.

It seems the only two ways of controlling how you're influenced are by directing the influence with a conscious reaction (it is nearly impossible to control what discreetly enters your subconscious), or by simply avoiding or changing the influence in itself (which could be considered a conscious reaction in itself, but I digress).

I've had to figure this out over the years battling lustful and depressive tendencies, as well as for a general attempt at maintaining my overall integrity.

It has been, and most likely will be for the remainder of my life, an ongoing battle to preserve my integrity, to separate from the separation of All That Is and Shall Reign Eternally.

At times the gravitation of giving in causes me to make split-second decisions to close my eyes during certain parts of a movie, cease contact with certain people...

One of my all-time favorite bands, The Killing Tree, is something I have limited myself from listening to almost at all.
At first it relayed an intense amount of sympathy, giving my sadness and misanthropy bit of understanding.
But as I continued to listen and digest the vain anger and musical progressions that wordlessly portrayed my hopelessness, I realized the band to be a force to disassociate myself from.

It's like a near-permanent fasting; (I say "near-permanent" because when describing my favorite style of -core music theirs is an example I give sometimes) the absence of that band strengthens me in my overall positivity and when I remember the times it was in my life I can turn my need for peace over to the Prince of the very essence and feeling.

That band is the reason I limit my musical repertoire to Christian artists (and I use that term in the plainest of sense; "Christian" is not something I would add to a subgenre), positive artists, instrumental artists, and artists that inspire nostalgia or produce a certain musical style I find inspiring.

This choice limits me just as a vegetarian may be limited: socially, I become distanced to a degree, now lacking a major commonality; personally, I find, at times, an unsatisfiable appetite.
This choice empowers me just as a vegetarian may be empowered: socially, I find solace within my moral minority; personally, I am doing the best and right thing.

I strongly encourage a self-evaluation on the effect of everything in your life, it drove me to make one of the greatest and most influential choices within my own life.


With Gritted Teeth and a Depraved, Persistent Sympathy, Thank You for Fighting with Me

The new year has thrown quite a bit at me, I must say.
To be honest, I'm pretty tired of talking about myself but I'll try to keep what's on my mind short.
(Maybe for a whole month match every post about myself with a post about something else!)

From bewildered to begrudged, I struggled to both fight for and against my pride and desires.
Then I played into a classic Screwtape strategy of taking the situation as an injury.

False self-denial to pretentious prayers;
The violence of outer-silence, the ambiguity of the term "enemy".

But, after much discussion and unnecessary screaming;
With dear peers and at the Willing Victim, my King.

And of course, Mommy Comments.

I've come to find an ease in compromise.

I'm hoping to delve into the Word more as the winter grows colder.
As the snow dumps down, I'll press on to think of things outside of me.
I feel like the Lord is telling me not to live in consistent depression.

I'm going to take Him up on that.

Thanks to the anonymous, acquaintance, and familiar faces for sifting through the emotional nebula and find the floating vessel, stranded, but never alone.


Imagine an internet federally censored for any reason it deems appropriate.

This is not okay.

I'm off the internet for 24 hours.



No Matter my Sentence, the Gift is One I Appreciate

Whether I make a future out of it or not, 
I love playing, recording, composing, arranging, producing, mixing, sharing, listening to, discussing, and interacting with music; 
Writing, reading, singing, yelling, referencing, lyrics; 
Reading, writing, and giving interviews; 
Stage dives, road trips, scrobbling, documenting, expressing, album art... 

I've never appreciated something like a form of communication so much.

I am blessed with this symbiosis.