Honesty & Narcissism

Gotta work soon, but I gotta express what's on my chest.

I met Erik (of Self Proclaimed Narcissist) a while back booking him for a show in Spokane. What he didn't know is that I was a stupidly huge fan. What I didn't know is that he was totally all about that, and what we both didn't know is that it would make us, in my opinion, pretty good pals.

Now, usually when I'm a fan of someone's music and get all "Your music changed my life" on them, they get all rockstarry, say something like "glad I could help", then go to sign some pretty girl's CD. Erik, however much he might enjoy attention like every other person on the planet, myself included, never gave me such an air about him, he's always been fairly transparent, and after he released his album Honesty Folk/I heard his song "Van Gogh" did I realize it's something he's about. I'm very much about being a sincere artist, as well as a sincere person, and around the time I met him I really started to make that a part of who I am, so naturally I mixed well with him.

Since that night I booked him and we hung out and became friends, my life had become completely changed. He introduced me to Kevin Schlereth, who after he and Erik drove literally half the country to play a show and hang out with us, got to be my friend after staying up all night talking and laughing with 4 of my other friends in a 5 seater Saturn SW (That's six of us total in that tiny car). After that I played a show with Destroy Nate Allen after talking to them on the internet for some time (they're close with Kevin and Erik), and inbetween all that I got to review all their newest albums as a journalist on Indievisionmusic.com.

My life got real crazy real fast. I thought I was going to be touring with these people and having my lifestyle slowly be absorbed by theirs. Things are a bit different now that 2012 is over, I've gotten to hang with Erik twice already this year and it's been awesome, but the band thing is, to be honest, starting to die out in my life. Booking is more stressful and my bandmates just don't show the commitment these days. I'm not sure.

But that doesn't mean things can't change (they can change, but they won't), everything that's happened in the past year I never ever expected for a second. I am so incredibly thankful for the occasional phone call I get from Erik when I feel like all my friends have changed or forgotten me, who has a hard time with change. It's neat having a friend that you don't get to see much, because you always miss them and every reunion or communication is exciting and inspiring. Granted, I don't invest a lot of time into relationships these days as I try and invest time in myself so I can be a better friend later on (as opposed to a mediocre friend always), the internet makes me feel like there's never an excuse to not strike up a conversation with everyone I lose contact with for a week or two, but in truth if I can't talk to you on the phone for over half an hour or find the motivation to stay up all night with you doing whatever, I doubt there's a real friend connection there.

Here's to a year of friendship and realizing how much you've helped me grow, Erik.
Even if our lives go different paths, I forget all your lyrics, you never throw me on a tour; I just want to appreciate the friends we've been and where we are now.

I hope it lasts forever, but if it doesn't it's whatever.

Write that line in for your next album ;)


Life Dream Get!

I'm gonna make this short and sweet, I'm a bit hysterical, my friend Bobby and I made a Chiptune song that won a boss music contest hosted by the "A.N.N.E." Kickstarter! We are beyond excited right now just to have our music heard by so many people, that's all that truly matters in the end, but we are even more stoked to have won 1st place! That stuff never happens to me, directly, at least. Check out the medley below, check out the other artists (serious props to KaMiZoTo's track, my personal favorite), and back A.N.N.E. on Kickstarter (vote 'YES' on Steam Greenlight too!)! I'll post more as events unfold, probably renovate my blog like I've been planning to (sorry for the bipolar, heavily loaded, unprofessional mess, visitors from A.N.N.E., this blog is a lot of things and stuff) yadda yadda here's the video:


To the Future!

Despite (or in light) of my attempts to avoid scheming about plans concerning finances and where my work is going and all that, a lot has been falling into place as of recent, things completely out of my direct control.

Here come the instances:

My initial hopefulness was inspired by some friends really connecting with me in the last couple days, my friends Bobby and Elijah. Both people I've considered to be my best friends, both who've had some serious run-ins with "do-what-I-want" syndrome. I've been able to support them in making life changes, which has helped me help myself in ways as well.
Basically, in this I've found a potential roommate/friend-I'll-have-around-enough-to-consider-a-brother in Elijah, and a Chiptune partner in Bobby. 

Big-E news is still in the works, but I've been hard at work with Bobby working on my 3rd full-length Chip song, which is turning out to be better than I ever could have imagined it. It went from showing Bobby how LSDJ works to spending about 20 hours of our week hammering out this song. We're trying to win this backer-exclusive music competition for a video game project titled "A.N.N.E." on Kickstarter, and we're going all out for boss fight music, incorporating sound design for an imaginary boss fight, three forms long, complete with transitions and all that. I'll be posting it tomorrow or the next day, we'll be finished later tonight or tomorrow.

On top of all that, summer is coming up, so my game design boys will be out of school schedules, with plenty more time to devote to making our game a reality. I'm really hoping to start a website or blog dedicated to progress on the game once we get into the thick of development and we can start portraying an actual game.

There's only one counter to all the awesome happening and that would be
my love taking a month & a half vacation to the Middle East. I haven't been apart from her longer than a week since we started dating almost two years ago, I feel like life is going to be much harder and lonelier without her. Heck, the week she was gone I nearly lost my mind. I might get more stuff done, but I question how inspired or happy I'll be when she's gone. She is joyous motivation.


Focus Center Focus

I can remember starting the tentatively titled "Musica" project as a part-time endeavor as early back as October of last year. While the idea turned up over a year-and-a-half ago, it was October that I felt dedicated to the idea of becoming a video game designer.
Since the initial birth of the idea, which was a plain combination of Proteus and inbflat.net, it has evolved from a abstract audio/visual sequencer to a casual interactive environment to a full-blown adventure game... and now to something being continually refined day after day.

I watched Indie Game: The Movie and was deeply inspired at my capabilities to design something really meaningful and enjoyable, with hopes of a lot of people playing it.
Finishing my 1st year up in community college got me yearning for greater things. School wasn't enabling me to be a better designer, writer, or musician, and those are simply the things I am passionate about doing. My parents, even to this day, have been claiming support, but still, as they should, show deep concern for my future in financial security.
I just can't help but disagree with them when it comes to traditional education when I seek a life that is entirely unorthodox.

Thus far, the financially concerned mindset has proved to be a deceitful and destructive perspective to my art and myself. I became overtly concerned with "how do I maximize my audience and convince them to give me money, but not too much money because I don't want to do this for money, but I need money and if I have to get it all by working at Hastings I'll never be happy with my life".

Then I start getting fake notifications on my music pages that look like that, and I am further disgusted with the business aspects I keep trying to tie into my art.
It's ploys such as this that brainwash me into thinking that my marketing is more important that my art, and further that if I don't take action it'll fade into obscurity.

All this anxiety and confusion coming from a guy who just decided it would be a good idea to live by "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness (referring to GOD), and all these things will be given to you as well (referring to IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE)."

I think the first step is to reply to the inquisitors of my future with this particular quote (from JESUS).
We'll see how it goes from there.
In the past month a phenomena has occurred where I write out a big long post, then draft it indefinitely or delete it. Dang writing prowess ruined by my deteriorating attention span.

And I kid you not, right before I was about to type "attention span" I spaced out and forgot what I was going to say. It's getting pree bad, yo.